Hate Is Not Welcomed Here

Last week was undoubtedly hard for me.  We all see what's currently going on in our nation and I know I am overwhelmed with so many feelings over the situation.  We are surrounded by so much hate and it's the hate that divides us.  My heart has been filled with so much heaviness watching these events, hearing the opinions of others, and just knowing I've brought two children into a world of hate.

I also received a letter from someone, who not only left me feeling emotionally attacked but spiritually attacked as well.  I won't go into details but it left my heart feeling crushed even more than what it had been before.  I replied allowing sadness and anger to take over the words.  I never regret defending myself, but I do realize it's much better to stay silent.

After sending the letter I went to a track at a local park and walked two miles as I tried to clear my head and give all of the worries to God.  Then I spent the rest of the day with a husband that was trying to pull me out of a depression.  I've been praying so much lately.  We are now in June, halfway through the year already.  The first half has been filled with so many challenges and I just hope that the next half allows me some grace.

I'm just so tired of the hate that surrounds us.  I'm so tired of people blaming others.  I don't care if you are a Democrat or a Republican, what right do you have to be so vulgar about the other party?  I don't care if you are a person with white skin or black skin I'm going to love you and care for you and only judge you based on how you treat others.  Whether you are a Christian or an Atheist I'm going to love you and respect you and show you the love that my belief has taught me.

I'm so tired of this world.  I don't even watch the news anymore.  I decided, again, to step away from Facebook.  I see nothing good on social media anymore.  Even Instagram has become a platform for people to bash other's political differences.  I don't believe in ignoring the situation around us.  I do believe it's important to stay informed and to take action when necessary, but I cannot stand the hate that comes with it all.

I hear people say that they believe in tolerance and acceptance of all but those same people will mock and torment someone sporting a MAGA hat.  Because Joe Biden has stumbled on his words and might possibly show signs of dementia people refer to him as "Sleepy Joe" instead of offering help.  Someone dies tragically because of hate so people retaliate by causing a huge amount of damage, theft, and destruction; ruining the livelihood of innocent people who had nothing to do with the death.  I don't understand it.  I'm never going to understand it.

Admittedly, I grew up surrounded by a lot of negative talk and negative treatment.  I could specifically name a family member, or more, who have been very racist.  I still hear negativity.  It's all around me and it's constant.  My family, my husband's family, friends, neighbors, talk of their beliefs while putting others down.  I'm guilty of judgement, gossip, and even allowing moments of anger to take over my heart.  I will not deny it.  Several experiences in my life had hardened my heart but over the last few years I've been working tirelessly to change myself.  I asked God into my heart and to change it.  All I want is to show love and kindness to everyone.  Not only because it's the right thing to do, but I want my children to learn as well.  Our children learn from us.  So, if we share kindness to the world they will too and future generations will learn just how to be.

We don't have to agree with each other but let's please love each other, regardless.

Elementary School Graduate

Well, the last day of school is here and it's the last day of elementary school for my first born.  My heart is heavy and my eyes are filled with tears.  I know he's pretty sad too.  This chapter in his life has closed but he's onto bigger and better things. 

These years went by so fast.

I remember him stepping on the bus for the first time as if it was yesterday, and year after year he's had amazing teachers.  Even though the thought of homeschooling has crossed my mind, I'm so glad to have sent my kids to this particular school.  No regrets there.  He's loved it too, even though he's quiet and shy.  In third grade he learned how to play music by using a recorder and in 4th grade he electively started playing the trumpet and he still plays.  He can also take what he's learned on the trumpet and play it on the piano.  He can solve math problems faster than I can and sometimes instead of reaching for the calculator I'll just ask him and he's so quick to answer.  He was part of a math competition a few months ago and even though he didn't finish big I still couldn't be more proud of him.

When he started kindergarten he had the desire to become a police officer when he grows up.  Then it turned into a professional baseball player.  Now when I ask what he wants to do, he has no idea.  I'm sure whatever it is he will be successful at it.

As far as sports goes he started t-ball in preschool and worked his way up to 12U.  Unfortunately, he hasn't had a spring season this year, and even though the league is holding onto hope I doubt it will happen.  This year he also joined the school's basketball team and this was a first for him.  It was hard because he was playing with and against boys who had played for years but he handled it well.  I'm proud of his achievements, and even if he doesn't accomplish something he set out for he still tries and tries with every bit of his heart.

He also completed all the years in cub scouts and just completed his first year as a boy scout and wants to keep working to become an Eagle Scout.  In cub scouts we've watched as he laid the wreath at the Tomb Of The Unknown Soldier at Arlington National Cemetery three times.

 So, there you go, he may be small in size but he has a big heart.  He is a wonderful gift from God and I cherish being his mother. 

In kindergarten he brought home this teeny tiny pine tree and we planted it in our front yard.  It's growing with him.

I cannot believe I have a middle schooler now. 

Happy Homemaker Monday - 5/18/20

Good morning!  Another week of joining in with HHM.  If you want to join in to please visit Sandra's blog at Diary Of A Stay At Home Mom.  She has a place to share your link on her HHM and she's the creator of this.  But she requests that you only share the HHM post and nothing else.  

For those of you who commented on my last HHM post, I wanted to say THANK YOU.  It was nice to read the encouraging and sweet words.  It was appreciated greatly!  I welcome anyone to read/comment on any of my posts.  This is a more recent blog of mine, my other one Little Bit of Sunshine I don't post in too often anymore.

♥♥The Weather♥♥
Originally, they forecasted rain every day this week and now they took it away for most days.  It keeps changing, but here are the temps.
Monday - 68
Tuesday - 69
Wednesday - 65
Thursday - 69
Friday - 72
Saturday -  77
Sunday - 76
♥♥How I am feeling this morning♥♥
I woke up throughout the night with tummy troubles and then woke up early, before everyone else.  I'm getting better.  I love when I start the day alone with quiet time.
♥♥On my mind♥♥
Today my husband and I celebrate 18 years of marriage.  How did 18 years go by so quickly?  I can't believe we've made it this far, to be honest.  Last week I talked about some trouble we were having and I can happily say we've moved past that.  There's been a lot of mountains and valleys in our marriage and we've gotten through many tests.  We've experienced things that could have destroyed our marriage but here we are, almost two decades later.  

We're in the last week of school and this isn't how we imaged it would be for the last few months.  My kids got the niche for online learning but it's not effective enough to work for an entire school year, in my opinion.  If they continue with online learning many changes will need to be made but I'm hoping school can return as normal in the fall.  This is getting ridiculous, if you ask me.  There was no need for school to close, again my opinion.  I love having my kids home, don't get me wrong, but they didn't receive much learning.  I loved helping them and my husband and I both add our own teaching to the mix (like cursive writing and what is in The Constitution and why).  For years I've understood why some parents choose the homeschooling route and I'm all for it.  I've defended homeschool parents, especially when people say "but they don't develop social skills ..."  False!  They can.  I've been told that if school does start in the fall there will be some changes made.  If my kids are required to wear face masks for all 7 hours this mama will be making other plans, for sure.

The county I live in goes in YELLOW phase on Friday.  That's not much of a difference from RED.  Baby steps.  As much as I understand how difficult this virus is, I don't believe in hiding.  Life is something we should enjoy while we still have it.  I'm ready to see friends again and that's what I'm going to do.  I'm upset that the Boy Scouts decided to cancel the camping trip for this July.  That was one piece of normalcy I was hoping my son could have.  It's been one disappointment after another and I insist on giving my kids a fun summer.  I will also support any small business that decides to open.  They have to put food on the table for their own families in order to survive, why isn't anyone understanding that?

But I don't mean to complain.  I still truly believe God is in control and will see us all through.  I'm thankful for the blessings !

♥♥On the breakfast plate♥♥
Nothing yet, but maybe a bowl of honeynut cheerios and a banana.  I still need to start a pot of coffee.                    
♥♥On my reading pile♥♥
Starting my day with the Bible and a devotional book.  That's all I've been reading lately but I'd love to pick up another book to read.
♥♥On my tv♥♥
I'm not sure.  My kids hog up the tv most of the time and I've been so busy with projects to even sit and watch.  When I do watch I usually just skim through the channels or my streaming services to see what looks good.  All of my regular shows that I watch are on break.  
I started watching Youtube vlogs from a writer named Kim Chance.  She gives great advice on becoming a writer.
(I'm not sure why my font automatically changes on me.  It does that a lot and nothing I do works to fix it)
♥♥On the menu♥♥
Tonight we are having Olive Garden take-out.   Anniversary dinner!  The rest of the week remains to be a day to day decision.  Since we'll be high in carbs today I'll be sure to add much healthier meals for the rest of the week.
♥♥From the camera♥♥
I took the kids to a nearby park last week so they could ride their bike and scooter.  I just walked behind them and it was great exercise.

 

♥♥Looking around the house♥♥
It's quiet.  Everyone is still in bed.  My kids are usually awake before me so this is nice.  My dog is still asleep, snorning.  The living room is a bit of a mess and could use some attention.  Looking out the window I can see the trees rustling in the wind and it looks cloudy.  
♥♥Chore I'm not looking forward to today, or this week♥♥
It's hard to pinpoint one specific chore that I don't look forward to, because there really aren't any chores that I enjoy.  I've been working on the flower beds outside and doing some indoor cleaning/reorganizing inside.  My goal is to become a minimalist but with all the stuff in our house it's so hard to do.  Keeping everything tidy and organized is a chore all in itself and that's one that becomes so frustrating.  I like a clean house and the mess gives me anxiety.  
♥♥To relax this week, I will♥♥
Hopefully I can find a good book to read.  Go for walks.  Hopefully start back up with running again.                  
♥♥On my prayer list♥♥
The country, President Trump and all elected officials 
This virus, and life to go back to normal 
Business owners who are suffering because of the shut down
The spouses and children who have been stuck at home with abusive spouses/parents (that one has been on my mind since this all started).  


♥♥Devotional/Bible Verse♥♥

In honor of my anniversary.  These verses were read on our wedding day and are special to us.  This is on the wall above our bed.  

I Still Believe

*spoiler alert*

My husband and I finally saw the movie I Still Believe, which is a story based on the life of Contemporary Christian singer Jeremy Camp.  The movie proves that there can be hope in the midst of tragedy.  I have been a fan of Jeremy Camp for twenty years and didn't even have a clue he went through this with his first wife.  If you haven't seen it I highly recommend it.  It's such a touching story and I was in tears.  Lots and lots of tears.

Today I listened to one of our Jeremy Camp CD's on the way to the grocery store and as I listened to the lyrics to this particular song I realized just how much it is needed in this time we are currently facing.  I catch myself falling into fear whenever I hear a story on the news, a politician giving hopeless information, or someone I know sharing something so negative on social media.  Then I am reminded that God can bring us hope from tragedy.  So many are suffering right now because of this pandemic; either because of losing a loved one, going through the sickness, losing a business, not making money to feed the family and fearing what the future will bring, and seeing how our economy is crashing down.  I hear the politicians say that we will come out of this stronger and better than ever and I do believe that because I believe that the grace of God will get us there.  Hope will meet us at the end of this tragedy.  I choose to keep believing it.

"Though the questions still fog up my mind with promises I still seem to bear.  Even when answers slowly unwind it's my heart I see You prepare."

I do believe that God can sometimes answer our prayers by performing miracles exactly the way we want but sometimes He can pull miracles out of tragedies.  I have definitely seen miracles come out of my own tragic experiences.  I do not have a degree in psychology or in theology but have experienced many things in life that gave me an understanding and a belief that good can come from any catastrophe.  I've lost, I've suffered, I've ached, and I even came so close to ending my life.  This is why I want to be a writer.  Fiction writing based on real life situations that will help inspire and encourage others in a way that glorifies God.  I always desired to write for the young adult audience because it was those adolescent years that I suffered the most.  Out of my forty-one years of life I can say the toughest times were the teenage years.  I'm hoping that my writings can inspire older adults as well.

For years I had an idea in my head but when I went to type it was hard getting past a few paragraphs.  I didn't know where to lead the story and I couldn't figure out a title.  Titles are something I have trouble with, even for my blog posts.  Recently a story idea came to me and I excitedly began typing it.  Everything was flowing and then suddenly a new idea filled my mind.  I was laying in bed and could clearly hear everything the story would tell from beginning to end, the plot, the purpose and even the title.  So, the next day I began typing and got through two chapters before hearing something else.  Again, same title, similar plot, same idea, a different age and season for the main character.  This one sounded so much better than the other two but … UGH!  I can't tell you how frustrating this is.  Each time it seems as though God is whispering these ideas to me but when I hear something different I wonder why it keeps changing.  God is never wrong and He never changes.  So, what gives?

I decided to take a step back.  Finding the time to write in this current time is hard enough.  My kids are home ALL the time and even though my husband is home he's downstairs at the computer working all day.  My time is busy either entertaining the kids or cleaning the house.  There is no time to be a writer.  I discovered a YA author named Kim Chance who does a lot of YouTube vlogs giving tips to writers and I started to watch them while I get things done around the house.  She has two books published and is very informative and filled with a ton of advice.  I'm taking this time to learn from her and other published authors and seeking God and asking Him where He wants me to go with this.  I know there are a few people who are counting on me and encouraging me to get this book written and the last thing I want to do is let them down (one of them is my husband).  I'm just not there yet but I STILL BELIEVE in getting it done.  Baby steps.  And I want to use this blog to help document my journey of getting there, and getting through the writing process.

"The only place I can go is into your arms where I throw to you my feeble prayers in brokenness I can see that this is your will for me.  Help me to know You are near."