Mountains and Valleys

 Hello, on this last weekend of January.  It's amazing how quickly time goes by but I'm actually very grateful for that.  A few girls stopped at the house and asked if my daughter could go play with them, and at the same time a few boys stopped over for my son.  So, I decided to indulge in this quiet time with a cup of cappuccino in a mug from way back in my high school colorguard days. 

And I've placed my laptop on the downstairs desk so I can get to work on my book. 

I actually started writing a book almost one year ago and as much as I loved where that story was heading I decided to put that aside and started to write something new.  Something more relatable to me and my own experiences from many years ago.  I have put together some events that I had experienced and created it all in a fictional character who is struggling to find acceptance within herself and also an understanding of why bad things keep happening around her.  It's a faith-based book and I feel as though it's a perfect story for today's world.  

So much heartbreak has been taking place lately.  I can't comprehend it and I certainly don't understand it.  More covid related deaths, cancer diagnosis', and so much more.  Personally, my depression has been taking over me and if it wasn't for the antidepressant medication I know I'd be feeling much worse right now.  

Yet, through it all, I've been clinging so hard to faith.  When I'm high I praise God and when I'm low I trust in Him.  I read my Bible every morning, pray often throughout the day, listen to contemporary Christian music and drown out the outside noise as much as I possibly can.  It still becomes very difficult when so much is hitting me, as well as family and friends.  It seems unfair.  The trouble is that I am only human and can only see what is right in front of me.  It makes it so much better to know that there is Someone watching over who knows all.  He knew of me even before my grandparents were born.  He created a perfect world and when man and woman came He knew they were going to disobey Him and cause sin.  He knew the heartbreaks and diseases we would face in life and He knows what will come of it all.  No matter how I feel, whether I'm high on that mountaintop feeling extremely happy or if I'm stuck low in a valley I know God is there.  Whatever happens in the future, He's already there.  I love knowing that.  It helps. 

Cleanliness

 Good morning and happy Monday!  We are starting the last week in January.  January always feels like the longest month of the year.  I joked with a few people at work and said that 2021 makes me miss 2020.  Although I do not wish for 2020 back it seems that 2021 entered with such extreme force.  However, I'm embracing the fact that no matter what the year is going to be like I'll be content with all that I have.  

The morning started as it usually does during the week.  I got the kids up so they could get ready for the day.  Said goodbye to my husband as he left for work and then put my daughter on the school bus.  My son has some free time between classes (at home) so we take the dog for a walk around the neighborhood.  Even with the cold air, it feels good to get out.  

Then I made my second cup of Creamy Hazelnut coffee, black, so I would have something to warm me up as I go about the housework.  A load of towels has been put in the dryer and clean clothes are in piles on my bed waiting to be hung up in closets or folded into drawers.  

I went into my daughter's room and felt disgusted with how messy she keeps it.  Every time I tell her to clean her room it ends up looking messier than it did before.  I want to lose my mind but then I remember one thing ...

These bedrooms and the rest of the house were pretty empty and clean before the kids came along and now it often looks like a tornado ripped through the house.  My daughter's room, especially.  I'm trying to teach my kids the importance of keeping things clean and to put stuff away in the appropriate place when they are finished with it but I end up repeating myself over and over.  Teaching them cleanliness is just a part if what parenting is about; making sure they understand how to take care of themselves as adults when I'm not going to be around to help them.  I realize, though, that these kids have way too much stuff and not enough space so I need to teach them how to better organize, and this is going to be a project we will soon get into.  

Is worrying about my daughter's messy room really all that worth stressing out about?  Just close the door and walk away.  I'll spare you a picture of her room.  You don't want to see it, trust me.  It's definitely not a moment I want to capture for the memory bank, either.  

I have my own piles of messes to take care of, after all.  The laundry needs done, things need to be put away, floors could use a good sweeping and vacuuming ... but I have to leave for work soon.  Everything will get done in time.  I've learned not to rush.  Take my time, enjoy the moments as they come, all the chores will be there waiting for me ... and when I do finally complete the chores I'll have to start all over again.  So, why sweat it?

Have a great week, everyone!  

He Provides

When my husband and I first got married we racked up our credit cards because, well, starting out in an apartment requires a lot of stuff.  We were young and probably not as smart as we should have been in our spending but my husband worked a full-time and an extra part-time job while I also worked and we did whatever we could to pay off those bills.  A few years after we purchased our house we welcomed our first child and I quit my job to stay at home.  My husband still worked a second job to help out and I was thankful to be married to someone who was so supportive, even through exhaustion.  I loved being able to be home with my kids because I didn't want to rely on anyone else to watch them, but some days felt so tough.  We had to make a lot of sacrifices.  There were times; however, when the bills didn't seem to get paid on time.  I remember the bank calling and asking why our mortgage wasn't paid for on the due date.  I allow my husband, an accountant by profession, to handle all of our finances.  Just thinking about math gives me anxiety so I was happy to let him take the reigns when it came to money.  But receiving those phone calls and not knowing what to say was frustrating.  Wondering when he was going to pay those bills and if we truly did have enough money was scary.  Nevertheless, my husband always had a way of paying the mortgage, and our other bills, even if it was a little late.  No, I don't recommend being late on the bills.  My husband was always quiet about it but there were times when I could tell he was stressed and worried if he could continue to make ends meet.  Now here we are heading towards our nineteenth year of marriage in the same house and a lot more expenses, and yet, we are still making it work.  The phone calls stopped so maybe that means the bills are being paid on time and I know it helps that I am back to working and I am very thankful.  There were some pretty dark days in our marriage when I didn't know if we would make it but sure enough, we did.  

The same is said during moments in my childhood and adolescent years that also seemed dark and scary.  I witnessed as my father struggled through alcoholism mixed with a very bad temper and in those days I wasn't sure the marriage was going to make it.  My father ended up changing his ways and has been forgiven and releived from his dark days and as I look back in what seemed like such scary moments I see how we made it through and I am thankful.  

We made it through those challenging times because God provided.  I certainly believe that.  I mentioned it in a post before but I remember being a little girl and my mom said to me through tears and a gentle hug, "Don't worry, Jesus is going to take care of us."  I have never let go of those words or the faith that she instilled in me.  

Currently, as we face this virus and all the government restrictions because of it, as we watch everything else that's unfolding in this country, I know that God is going to continue to provide.  I don't see it yet but I know He has a purpose.  Through all this chaos and uncertainty He will provide peace, comfort, assurance, and love!  

If you are feeling anxious or depressed today I want you to know that you aren't alone and have a healing God who can take that anxiety and replace it with peace.

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?" -- Matthew 6:26.  

Be Content

 Last year I kept hearing the words be still appear in my mind.  The year started with a skin disease diagnosis for myself and then one month later the entire world shut down because of a virus.  Through those things I felt anxious and scared but those words be still, which are found a few times in the Bible comforted me and reminded me that I needed to stop worrying and trust in God.  In the same way I kept hearing be still I am now hearing be content.   

The word Content is an adjective that means "in a state of peaceful happiness."  How can I live a life of contentment when the world I live in is filled with so much hate, destruction and corruption?  For almost one year we have experienced the heartbreak of such an awful virus.  Last week I learned that my brother-in-law lost his mother to complications from Covid-19 and many around me have lost loved ones too.  How can I help those who are grieving find contentment in the midst of such devastation?  I don't even know the answer to that question.  All I can do is offer my friendship and care and possibly a shoulder to cry on.  

As a Christian I believe that eternal life exists.  I believe that Jesus died to save us of our sins and if we believe in that and honor that we shall be with him in Heaven.  Our life here on earth is only temporary.  In heaven, our new life will go on forever.  I just can't help but feel so excited for that.  Nothing I have here on earth can compare to what it's going to be like in God's presence.  With that, it's easy to be content with what I'm given here on earth.  I'm also part of a great country.  Sure, it's not perfect and all of the things going on right now makes me scared for what things are going to be like in the future.  I feel these wonderful freedoms we've been given are being threatened and as President Ronald Regan once said, "are just one generation away from extinction."  What would I do if I lost all of these freedoms I've been blessed with for over forty years?  If I lose everything is there anything I would still have?  

I would still have my faith and that promise of an eternal life with no more suffering.  One of my favorite Bible verses comes from John 16:33, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."  Ooh, the part that says, "I have overcome the world," gives me goosebumps.  Right now we are experiencing things like no other time in history, at least not in my lifetime, but God's promise of having already overcome all of that leaves me feeling at peace and helps me to feel content as I go through this chaotic life here on earth.  Most days it feels as if I'm walking through fire but I know when I get to the end of my journey I will be free from all trouble.  Believing that is how I find contentment.  

For many years I struggled to find contentment with the house we purchased.  It's a two-story three bedroom, two bathroom house.  The backyard is a decent size but we are so close to the neighbors all around us.  The rooms are small and we've accumulated so much clutter over the years and it's hard to make these small spaces clean and organized.  I've spent a lot of time dreaming of having more space and a bigger area to move around.  My husband and I have had several conversations and the poor guy has suffered through hearing me complain.  He is someone who works hard to provide for the things his family not only needs but wants and I'm sure it's no fun to listen when his wife says it's just not good enough.  Of course, if my husband came up to me and said let's put our house up for sale and find a bigger one I wouldn't hesitate to go; however, I am finding how to be content with everything I already have.  I may never be able to afford a mansion and that's okay.  I'm grateful for this house.  It truly is a nice home and the size shouldn't matter as much as how much love I put into it.  I've learned that all these materialistic things I have, or don't have, won't even matter in the end because none of it will go with me to eternity.   "But godliness with contentment is great gain.  For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it." -- 1 Timothy 6:6-7.  So now, instead of dreaming of what I'd like to have I sit in my house, look around, take a deep breath, and thank God for what I do have.  It's more than enough. 

 "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." -- Hebrews 13:5

So no matter how dark times are I will be content with what I have and know that through it all God still provides ...