Seasonal Energy Loss

 What is better than being belly up on the couch while it's chilly outside?  

Previously, I listed all the reasons why I like autumn and those are very true; however, my body can't seem to adjust well to the change in weather.  I'm not sure why but it feels as though my body wants to shut down for the season.  I just don't do well in colder temperatures.  It is also when I start feeling lazier and more down-in-the-dumps.  All I can think of is bundling up under a blanket and relaxing. 

Last night my husband and I headed into our bedroom early and watched Twisters.  Have you seen that movie?  It's pretty good.  I actually like it better than the first Twister movie, and I'm not one who usually likes sequels and remakes.  Although, I'm not even sure if this is even considered a sequel.  It definitely felt like a movie all of its own.  The story is about a retired tornado-chaser and meteorologist who returns to Oklahoma and reluctantly joins a new team to begin the tornado chasing again.  Now, I'm not quite sure why anyone would want to risk their lives chasing tornadoes but it was a good action packed movie.  It did have some bad words but no inappropriate love scenes/nudity and plenty of country music in the background.  My son wants to see it and I would definitely watch it again.  

How are you doing, my friends?  Are you enjoying autumn where you are?  I see I have a lot of views on each post and I know quite a few are from all over the country.  Here in Pennsylvania we experience all four seasons - from the rainy spring, to the blistering hot summer, the crispness of fall and bitter cold winters with occasional snow - I should not complain.  But this time of year, blankets and sweatshirts become my go-to companions.  

We did manage to go to the pumpkin patch last Sunday.  It was a pleasant family experience where we walked around comparing one big pumpkin to another.  My daughter and I came up with an idea to buy a bunch of smaller pumpkins as an activity that could be done during our time of hosting the cross-country team's dinner on Monday.  We did manage to buy 11 pumpkins and then headed to the dollar store for new paints and paintbrushes.  

The dinner was a pre-celebration for Tuesday's county race.  My nerves were high before the dinner.  My social anxiety often sets in and I struggle with being around people.  There was rain in the forecast so we had to scratch the idea of having it in the backyard and spent the weekend reorganizing and cleaning the house so everyone could fit inside.  The dinner went well and everyone seemed to enjoy the time together.  All praise goes to my husband who cooked the spaghetti.  Surprisingly, we did have some left over, which served as dinner for the last two nights.  

After work on Tuesday I made it in time to watch the race.  My son and three others from the school advanced to the championship race, which will be next Saturday.  I'm so proud of him.  He is having a great senior year so far.  

I'll leave you with this adorable squirrel and a message I'm beginning to relate to.  Have a great Thursday, everyone!  

Purpose Through Depression

 Sometimes people from my past just randomly pop into my head and, to be honest, I may do a random Facebook search to see what they are up to these days.  Curiosity gets me sometimes as I do wish the best for everyone.  The other day I began thinking about an old boss.  This man owned an insurance company and I began working as his receptionist sometime in the year 2001.  It was just the two of us in the office and my job was easy.  Things started out great and then suddenly he stopped showing up for work.  He was the only one with the key so he would come by to let me in and then leave for most of the day.  He told me he was having marital problems and needed to be present to handle those things with her.  I did my best to manage things around the office but eventually he stopped showing up at all.  I waited in the car for him but gave up after a few hours.  I then gave up after a few days of waiting.  He never called to tell me what was going on.  A few weeks later I emailed asking for my last paycheck.  He responded and told me it was in the mail, apologized for what had happened and told me he was working at restoring his marriage because he felt that was right.  No explanation as to why he just let me go like that but I did get the impression that his wife did not like the fact that he had a young girl working for him.  I was in my early twenties, engaged and needing employment.  I hadn't thought about him since, until just a few days ago.  His name popped into my head and I was curious to see if  he was still in business.  After a Google search I came across an obituary from December of 2014 and then another article that talked about how he had intentionally jumped from the top of a hotel building.  

I'm not sure why he popped into my head and I'm not sure why it happened 11 years after his death but I do feel bad for his family and all who knew him.  This news has weighed heavily on my heart since finding out.  Tim seemed like a nice guy and by our conversations I could tell he had a very conservative lifestyle and was a man of faith.  He was always talking about his children.  That goes to show that depression can get to anyone. 

I think back to my own story of battling depression.  I feel as if I had experienced it for as long as I can remember.  I was always different from everyone around me - not caring about fitting in and not concerned at all for my future.  I couldn't even see myself in a future.  By the time the teen years came I was cutting myself with a knife and trying to figure out ways to die.  My emotional pain was so high that I couldn't even put a smile on my face if I tried.  I did have to go through treatment, years of therapy and anti-depressant medication.  I made bad choices in hopes to find relief from the pain but it was not until I gave myself fully to Christ at 19 that I started feeling hope for a future.  Even now I still wrestle with some heavy thoughts but I find some of these things help:

😃 Stepping outside under the sunshine

😃 A hot shower

😃Physical exercise

😃Connecting with a friend

😃Journaling 

😃Going to church

😃Studying God's Word

😃Praying 

And more importantly, I remind myself that being born into this world meant God wanted me here.  I have purpose for being here, even on the days when it feels like I don't.  He knows me.  He loves me.  He guides me.  He created me.  He created you, also and with a purpose and a plan.  Maybe you are filled with feelings of confusion and sadness to the point of not being sure if you can live another day with it, but I beg you to hold on and I assure you with time things will get better.  As Annie said, "The sun will come out tomorrow."  Maybe not even tomorrow, but eventually.  If you can't bear to get through, seek help.  It's there.  Hang on, even if it's just by a thread.  The world is a better place because you are here. 

I think back to the girl of just 14 years old, sitting on the bed with a knife to the wrist, not understanding what purpose I had in life and feeling so much pain for what I had been put through.  Now, here I am, on my 47th birthday with a house, a husband and two awesome kids, and a desire to help people in need through writing.  

Maybe it's not you, but I do feel like someone needed this today.  Keep holding on!  You are worth it!

College Touring

Mondays can be tough but I'm always grateful for another week.  This morning had a foggy and cool start to the day but we are supposed to see temperatures reaching to the 80's again and possibly for the last time this season.  Rain is expected tomorrow, which will bring seasonal temperatures.  

On Friday I took a day off work and escorted my son to one of the colleges he has been looking at and was accepted to.  They were having an open house and we got to meet some of the staff and students and see dorms and classrooms.  He even met the coach and some of the runners and was offered a spot on the cross-country team.  It's a beautiful campus but his heart seems to be set on the college he toured with his dad the week before.  Both are Christian colleges, something that is important to him.  

That morning started with an early wake up as I had to get my daughter awake so she could get ready for school.  I made a cup of coffee and slipped back under the blankets with my coffee and devotional book.  I'm usually in such a rush in the morning so it was such a nice way to spend the start of the day.  I had wished that could be my routine every day.  As much as I love working and need to work I also dream of being back to those stay-at-home mom days.  I know it's not fair to my husband because he does need the financial help but I can wish for simpler days, right?  

The campus is in the next county so it was not a far drive and the open house lasted five hours but it felt long.  

I was so happy to have had a day spent with my boy.  That little boy who ran into my arms for a hug and depended on me for everything is now almost 18 and preparing a future of adulting.  It's an experience all parents have to face and I'm not ready for it.  I'm just glad he's still really close to us and I hope that relationship continues.  

Welcome October

 Hello October ...

Scream the ghost and Beastly the bat welcome you as we've turned the page to another month.  October entered with sunny skies and mid-60's temperatures here in Pennsylvania.  I'm wearing jeans and a t-shirt but it won't be long before I'll have to dress in sweatshirts and sweaters and that's okay with me.  

October is my birthday month.  I don't look at birthdays with as much excitement as I used to.  Instead, I see it simply for what it truly is: a blessing.  A blessing to have made it another year.  Even though my eye sight is worsening and my muscles don't move like they once did I appreciate all that I can do, still.  I am going to enter the forty-seventh year with gratitude.  

October is also the month when my kids' fall activities begin to wrap up.  These will be the last weeks of marching band practices, performances and cross-country practices and meets.  Yesterday was their first and only home meet of this season and Senior Night.  I'm glad my parents were able to be there and watch as Matthew set the school record.  They changed the course direction this year and he is the first for the record.  This is my daughter's first year and although she is always taking up the rear with her races I'm proud of her effort.  Last night, with disappointment in her tone she said, "I feel like I'm letting everyone down."  I assured her she wasn't but the goal would be to just work harder.  What I love about cross-country is the kindness that everyone shows - the coaches, teammates and even those on other teams.  It's so much different than our experience with baseball and dance.  I do hope she sticks with it with a willingness to work harder and improve.  Nevertheless, I'm as proud of her as I am my son.  

To kick off a new month I decided to put the scent of Sweet Apple in the essential oil defuser.  That probably would have been more suited for September but it is what it is.  The house is smelling so sweet.  

My goal for October is finding time to do some apple picking before it's too late.  That probably would have also been better to do in September but our busy schedules haven't allowed for it.  We also need to get some pumpkins.  It may also be time to tear down my garden, even though the tomatoes are still growing.  I'm sure the cold weather will appear soon enough and without warning and so it's better to get out there and prep for the winter that's soon to come.  Ugh!  I was actually staring at the garden today while planning all of the changes I want to make to it next year with eagerness for that season.  I'm going to take this time to do a lot of studying on how to improve my gardening skills.  I would love to expand and add more vegetables but that will have to begin with time, money and building.  

For you, my readers and friends - I hope October welcomes you with many, many blessings.  Thanks for stopping by.