Christmas and New Year

The Christmas season is winding down and we are preparing for a new year.  Christmas was a special time spent with loved ones and watching the joy in my children's faces as they opened each and every gift with appreciation.  It's such an amazing time of year.  

Then, I got sick!  I had cold symptoms, a fever, and a body rash.  I spent the first few days in my room and away from the family, trying my best not to pass it along.  It was difficult and made me feel like a bad mom.  I should be there with my family, spending this precious time with them and keeping up with the cleaning.  My husband did the cooking and I appreciate it, but I feel it was an inconvenience for him.  This cold definitely knocked me down, I'm still feeling it, but I'm trying not to let it control me anymore.  I'm still congested and still have that crazy rash but I'm getting through it.  

My husband and I like to make a big purchase together every year and this year we bought a new exercise machine.  It's awesome.  I used it today for a little bit and plan on making it part of a daily routine.  I've made a lot of unhealthy choices this year and my body is showing it.  I need to do better.  I will do better.  

My husband and kids went out of town today to do a ton of shopping.  I was going to join them but having to deal with all this itchiness all I wanted to do was stay at home covered in cream.  I'm also working on some housecleaning.  Cleaning the house that's never clean.  I really have to accept this reality but it's hard to.  I want a clean house.  I hate when my husband points out something that isn't clean.  I want to say, "Okay, shut up and clean it.  Help me out." But I just want to be the one that can get it all done.  I try to get my kids more involved in chores but then I just end up redoing what they did because they didn't do it correctly.  I'm teaching myself to know that everything that needs to get done will get done eventually.  

That's it for now.  Catching up on This is Us, getting housework done and waiting to start some new and old New Years Eve traditions with the family tonight.  

It's Almost Christmas

 I want this blog to be a place where I can share encouragement, inspiration, and even humor.  It's been very difficult lately, with so many from both sides shouting in my ear about their views.  I hear it all the time.  At work, at home, and with EVERYONE I talk to.  It's annoying and it's sad to see just how much this virus has divided people in a country that's already divided.  The maskers vs. the maskless.  The vaccine vs. no vaccine.  The "trust the science" against the "question the science."  It's too much.  In school, wearing masks have become optional but I'm watching as those who choose not to wear one are being ridiculed and punished for it. Whatever happened to THE LAND OF THE FREE?

Anyway, I'm hoping that I can find a way to push aside all the negativity and focus on peace.  My goal for 2022 is to do just that, and make sure my blog is constantly uplifting.  However, I want to be real, too.  I want people to pop on here and read my struggles and say, "Oh, I'm not alone.  She feels just like I do." I feel like I'm called to do just that.  

In the midst of all the chaos we have entered the Christmas season.  I'm not feeling as holly and jolly as I'd like and I still have a few more gifts to buy and wrap, but I am looking forward to the joy and happiness this season brings.  I'm really looking forward to the break.  I need the break.  I can't wait to watch the excitement in my children as they open their gifts and keep in mind the true meaning of this holiday, the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  He came into the world to give us hope, and a promise of eternal life.  He came to save us from sin and to deliver us from all the evil this world has to offer.  Regardless of how bad things seem to be, I will always put my hope and trust in Him above all else.  

I pray this Christmas that you are able to feel that love from our Savior and the loved ones who surround you.  I pray that the magic you feel through this holiday will live inside you for the rest of the year.  If you experience some kind of hurt during the holidays I pray you find peace through it.  

Have a very Merry Christmas, my readers and friends.  

Good Daughter

 

In November my father had to have three skin cancer spots removed and found out he has Basal Cell Nevus Syndrome, just like me.  It's genetic and, of course, he is who I got it from but I was the first to know.  In those three appointments I took off work to stay with my mom.  Between never having fully recovered from the stroke 10 years ago and now in mid-stage alzheimers it's a very difficult thing to deal with.   I love spending time with her but it's definitely not the life any of us want for her.  

In the last week my dad ended up in the ER three times because of a swollen prostate.  He has a catheter and a Foley bag because he can't pee on his own.  At some point very soon he will be in the hospital having surgery, which means I'll he spending a few nights with my mom.  It's not going to be easy but there isn't any other choice for me.  

Some people have said to me that I'm such a good daughter for taking care of them but I really hate hearing it.  It's not my choice to jump in the car and rush to their rescue when need be.  Just like it wasn't my choice to move out of NY and to PA at the age of 14, leaving all other family members and friends.  My brother moved here and went back.  My aunt moved here and went back.  I had my chance after graduating college but I felt obligated to stay.  It took many years for me to find peace in the move and even though things are pretty good now, I'm still not completely happy.  It wasn't fair what I was put through then and it's not fair what I'm put through now.  Am I a good daughter?  No, I'm an obligated daughter.  I'm a stressed out daughter.  I'm a I-need-to-help-them-because-I'm-the-only-one-here daughter.  Of course, I'm willing to do so but it's not easy, especially when I have a job and kids to care for.  Life can be unfair but it is what it is.  

I'm currently mentally exhausted at just the thought of it all.