Walk For Alzheimer's 2019

Today my daughter accompanied me to the walk.  This is the second year I've participated in this event and I hope to make it every year.  Last year I raised over $1,000 and was part of the Grand Champion Club.  This year I raised $350 and I'm so thankful for those who donated.  

Alzheimer's is the 6th leading cause of death and there is no survivors.  It's a horrible disease that has no cure.   Since my mother was diagnosed a few years ago I've done whatever I could to raise awareness, help fund research, and learn ways on how I could try to prevent the disease.  I watch as my mother struggles every day, I see how hard it is on my father, and it's hurting the rest of my family.  Watching the woman who brought me into the world slowly lose herself is the worst experience in the world.  

My mother has trouble walking on her own, but that's how it's been since her stroke 8 years ago.  It's hard to understand anything she says and she's starting to have accidents more and more.  It's frustrating for her and she often cries.  I can see how exhausting it is for my father but he keeps going because she's the love of his life.  Many people forget how hard this is for the caregiver.  

Those who were at the walk today had an experience with the disease of their own.  Either they were fighting with it, or they knew a loved one fighting with it, or they knew someone who lost the battle.  Some were there just to support the cause.  Seeing the hundreds of people showed me that those of us experiencing this are not alone.  There is so much support out there.  Now, if only we can find a cure.  

41 YEARS YOUNG

I remember sitting on the couch with my best friend planning out the details of what I wanted to do for my 21st birthday as if it was yesterday.  When I turned 21 I was single and wondering if I'd ever be worthy of love, living at home with my parents, and a recent business school graduate realizing that I wasn't happy with the career choice I made and struggling to find a job that was suitable for me.  Later in that 21st year I fell in love with my male best friend and we made it official on his 21st birthday.

It's hard to believe that was twenty years ago.

Earlier this month I celebrated my 41st birthday.  41.  How did I get here so quickly?  I can recall certain moments on several birthdays … my 10th birthday when I was excited to be in the double digits, my 13th birthday when I was excited to finally be a teenager and given permission from my mom to wear makeup, my 18th birthday when I was considered an adult, my 29th birthday when I was pregnant and one month away from giving birth to my first child.  41 birthdays.  41 years.  So many memories.  So many experiences.  So many mistakes.  So many lessons learned.  So much growth.  I am thankful.

On my birthday I had to put in my three hours of work in the cafeteria.  My co-workers greeted me with birthday wishes.  My daughter wasn't shy about shouting to everyone it was my birthday and what age I turned.  We met my parents at the Olive Garden for dinner.  I got to choose where we went and with so many restaurant choices it was hard to decide but I went with good old Olive Garden.  Then my parents came back to the house with us where we had ice cream cake and I opened presents.  That's when I received a new laptop, which I'm typing on right now.  I needed a new laptop because my old one was just about shot.  I love it.  I've been coming up with ideas on a book and I can't wait to get it all done.  Being a writer is something I've dreamed about since I was a little girl and at 41 years old I realize that time is ticking away.  I'm ready to pursue my dream but it's having the time to sit and write, and also coming up with every detail of what to write is holding me back.  I'll get there, if Lord willing, I have the chance.

At 41 I still struggle with depression but I'm getting better at learning ways to manage it.  There are days when I wake up knowing that it's going to take all the strength to get through the day but somehow I push through.  I'm lucky to have four decades of good physical health but last year started my journey through skin cancer.  I've had three surgeries so far to remove spots on my face and there are more growing.  My dermatologist can't seem to figure out why this is happening and it's very frustrating for me.  I will be going to a Genetics Counselor in January and I'm not sure if that's going to help.  I scheduled an appointment with my primary care doctor next month to discuss other issues I've been having.  I guess it's that time when I'm feeling what getting old is all about.

I've never considered myself to be pretty, even though my husband tells me I am every day.  My weight is up more than it should be and I struggle to find motivation to get a good daily workout in.  My face, around both eyes, are covered in scars from surgery and I'm also missing some eye lashes because of it too.  I try to hide the flaws with makeup but it's not enough.  I've never spent much time worrying about my physical appearance and it shows, I guess.

Mentally I'm growing more and more every day.  I make it a point to show kindness to everyone, because I realized that I don't know what others are going through in their lives.  In a world that is filled with cruel people I want to be the one that shows kindness and compassion.  That has become a priority to me.  In school I'm always smiling and showing kindness to the children.  In my home I want my kids to know that they are loved and cared for and always joke around with them.   I've come a long way in my attitude.  My prayer life has become better and my faith is stronger.  I thank God every single day for the life I have, even in the moments when I don't feel strong enough to press on.  Without my faith I would not have any strength.

I'm not interested in sharing a recent picture of me (thanks skin cancer) so here's me back in the baby days.