May Is Here

 May is here!  The countdown to the last day of school is on.  Graduation day is coming soon.  Matthew got his cap and gown yesterday and when he tried it on my heart sank.  It didn't hit me until senior night at track that this is it.  I haven't been okay, to be honest.  There are moments when I just burst into tears.  I think of when he was little and how I miss that sweet little innocent face.  I think of mistakes I made and how I wish to go back to fix it.  I just want to go back.  That's it.  I just want to go back.  I can't, that's not how life works.  All I can do is focus on the young man he is today and I'm pretty proud of that guy.  The last post I complained about how we've had to push him into motivation but I also understand he's had a lot thrown at him at once and it's too much for one human but he has been getting through.  Tonight is the last track invitational for the season.  

I haven't been on the blog much lately and have been consumed with getting stuff done around the house.  I spent all morning outside pulling weeds and mowing the grass.  My dad gifted us with a new mower last year and I just don't have the heart to tell him that this mower is a piece of junk.  I'm sure it doesn't help that I let the grass grow long and no mower wants to deal with that but it is a gas guzzler and doesn't always want to start.  I also had to pick up three dead bunnies and one dead bird.  That's what happens when you have a dog with high prey drive.  So devastating.  A bird couple also found an area under our roof to make a nest and I can hear those baby birds chirping.  Does that make me a grandma now?

I have a new kiddo for my van run.  He's a second grader and the cutest little boy.  Currently I have three boys for one school and one girl to another.  The three boys have school until the second week of June.  I don't want to rush the year and I certainly don't look forward to having a high school graduate but at the same time I can't wait for summer vacation.  We have trips planned.

Well, welcome May!  The weather is beautiful today and I will just be outside enjoying it.  Came in for a lunch break and to say hello to all you wonderful reader friends.  

Don't be fooled by the cuteness.  She's a killer!  

Life Lately

 No matter how busy life gets I always try to make it a point to jump on this little blog of mine to update on things that are going on.  It's nice to have a place to look back on, I just wish I could have only kept one spot that had been consistent through the beginning of marriage.  It all started on Xanga and I had posts filled with memories of the start of being a wife to the time of bringing my first baby in the world into toddlerhood before the page shut down.  Then I gave Wordpress a try but did not like it.  Then moved to Blogger where I had one page and then after a few years created a new one, this one.  I was going to keep the other one and use this for more formal, impersonal writing but I ended up using this just as I did the other one.  So, there you go.  Either from an issue out of my control or just in my indecisive stubbornness I haven't been able to keep just one blog for all the memories.  

This will be it, though.  I'm not moving on again.  I grew tired of change.

And speaking of change, the seasons of motherhood are never the same and I struggle with that.  I have an eighteen year old and a fourteen year old and those teenage years have been nothing short of tough and frustrating.  I enjoy them, still, and there are many reasons to be proud but it's also so exhausting at the same time.  My son has one more month of school and he has a lot to do and he's struggling to stay motivated.  We try to push him to help stay on course but then he just gets frustrated with us.  Now that he's eighteen he just wants to be an adult and treated as such but he has to show the maturity first.  He's still under our roof.  It's difficult to know when to let go and when to hold on.  The fourteen year old has been struggling in her first year of high school.  She has a heart that's sweet and gentle and it breaks very easily.  Some kids in school pick on her.  She quit dance and wanted to do more school related activities but she's been struggling to succeed in those things.  I'm proud of her, nonetheless, but her attitude has been very discouraging and I feel as though I don't have enough strength inside of me to keep going with her but I love her too much to give up on her.  That's just a glimpse at the difficult things going on in my life.  

And the week started with a dental appointment.  I already have anxiety about the dentist and I changed to a new one, which made me even more anxious but the change was necessary.  I need to have work done.  Very expensive, out of pocket work.  Ugh!  I'm going to put it off for as long as I can.  I'm not dealing with any pain so I'll hang on for now.  

Tuesday was senior recognition night at the track meet and the last time our Matthew will be running on his high school track.  It was a bittersweet feeling.  This is just his second year running track.  He spent years playing baseball but suddenly found a love for running and he's really good at it.  He went from spending most of his time on the bench at baseball to coming in first or second place in running.  I don't know how he does it but I am proud.  He'll be continuing running cross country and track in college.  

He also made a great group of friends from running and it warmed my heart to hear them all screaming his name when it was his turn for the recognition.  Even in these moments of trying to help him get by, I am confident that he will do well in life.  

Today the sun is shining and the temperatures are hitting the mid 70's.  There is a lot to be done inside and outside so maybe sitting here typing this up is a waste of time ... but it's great for my mind.  I also hope that whatever I say, or have said, or will say in the future will be an encouragement to others in some way.  That's why I'm here.  

Now onto those chores ... 

Don't Chase After Bees

Hello on this beautiful April day!  After my morning school van run I spent some time sitting on the back deck listening to my Bible app and watching as this dog of mine tried catching a bee.  I warned her that it wasn't a good idea but do dogs really listen?

This week has been in the mid to upper 80's and I do enjoy it.  Strange for April but I'll take it.  By Sunday it will be back to the 50s.  

I'm letting my indoor herb garden get some time outside under the real sun, instead of the plant light we have set up in the dining room.  Earlier today I did some research on why the mint plants aren't smelling minty and discovered it could be too much water, not enough water, too much sun, not enough sun.  Ah!  I've been trying to turn my black thumb into a green thumb because I really do like plants.  The basil has grown beautifully and we use it a lot.  The oregano isn't quite ready yet and, like I said, the mint isn't minting.  I think I'm going to move it to a bigger pot, add some good fertilization and see if I can get it to where it needs to be.  Planting takes skill and it's a learning experience.  I'm proud of myself for achieving what I have so far.  

It's Friday and I'm grateful to have made it through another week.  April is flying by just like the months before.  

I'll end it here, just wanted to write a quick hello.  Enjoy the weekend!  God bless you all!

Wednesday Hodgepodge

1. Big week in the US of A...do you do your own taxes? What's something you've found 'taxing' lately? 

Lucky for me, I married an accountant and he handles our taxes.  

~A throwback to our first tax year as parents~

Something I find taxing lately?  I think just simply trying to be a mother of two teenagers.  Actually, one is now eighteen with the attitude that he's an adult and doesn't have to listen to us.  So, I'm trying to figure out the best way to love him and guide him but not be too much, if that makes sense.  My daughter is 14 and she's so loveable and kind but she's been dealing with a lot of anxiety and possibly depression.  We started her in therapy in hopes that it will help guide her through those feelings and get to the source of what is causing it all.  I believe it's more than just being a teenage girl, which is already tough.  It's a challenge but I know just like those days of handling a newborn, a toddler and a child, this is a stage that will pass.  

2. When it comes to travel are you a last minute packer or a lay it all out a week in advance type? Do you struggle to pack light? Share a packing tip that has worked for you. 

I'm not high maintenance so I never feel a need to pack a lot for myself.  Just the essentials.  I'll keep a note of what I need and then pack the day before.  The best advice I can give, is to keep a note of all the things you'll need to bring with you then you can check it off as you pack it.  

3. April is National Grilled Cheese Month. Hmmm...who knew it got its own month? Do you like a grilled cheese sandwich? What ingredient do you add to take yours to the next level? 

Yes, I do love grilled cheese.  I just do a basic butter the bread, add the cheese and some ham and cook.  I might add a little sprinkle of seasoning like Italian seasoning or basil.  

4. There's a well known quote that says-

'A ship in the harbor is safe, but that's not what ships are built for." John A. Shedd  

Is constant growth necessary or do you think it's more important to prioritize stability and peace in your life? 

If we are talking about spiritual growth or mental growth I do feel it is important to keep trying to improve and move forward with learning more and being better.  As far as chasing success, I don't really care too much about that.  I'd rather have my peace.  The only thing I'm chasing after is heaven.  

5. Let's wrap this up with a fun spring this or that-

• daffodils or tulips - Can I say both?
• lemonade or iced tea -both again
• gardening or hiking - gardening for peace and hiking for adventure (love to do both)
• ladybugs or butterflies  -both 
• umbrella or raincoat -umbrella
• floral patterns or polka dots - floral 

6. Insert your own random thought here. 

I am grateful that the warm weather is here in my part of the country.  It's actually going to be in the 80's today and possibly up to the 90's tomorrow.  July weather in April but I love, love, love it!  

Thank you, Joyce!