It's hard to believe that was twenty years ago.
Earlier this month I celebrated my 41st birthday. 41. How did I get here so quickly? I can recall certain moments on several birthdays … my 10th birthday when I was excited to be in the double digits, my 13th birthday when I was excited to finally be a teenager and given permission from my mom to wear makeup, my 18th birthday when I was considered an adult, my 29th birthday when I was pregnant and one month away from giving birth to my first child. 41 birthdays. 41 years. So many memories. So many experiences. So many mistakes. So many lessons learned. So much growth. I am thankful.
On my birthday I had to put in my three hours of work in the cafeteria. My co-workers greeted me with birthday wishes. My daughter wasn't shy about shouting to everyone it was my birthday and what age I turned. We met my parents at the Olive Garden for dinner. I got to choose where we went and with so many restaurant choices it was hard to decide but I went with good old Olive Garden. Then my parents came back to the house with us where we had ice cream cake and I opened presents. That's when I received a new laptop, which I'm typing on right now. I needed a new laptop because my old one was just about shot. I love it. I've been coming up with ideas on a book and I can't wait to get it all done. Being a writer is something I've dreamed about since I was a little girl and at 41 years old I realize that time is ticking away. I'm ready to pursue my dream but it's having the time to sit and write, and also coming up with every detail of what to write is holding me back. I'll get there, if Lord willing, I have the chance.
At 41 I still struggle with depression but I'm getting better at learning ways to manage it. There are days when I wake up knowing that it's going to take all the strength to get through the day but somehow I push through. I'm lucky to have four decades of good physical health but last year started my journey through skin cancer. I've had three surgeries so far to remove spots on my face and there are more growing. My dermatologist can't seem to figure out why this is happening and it's very frustrating for me. I will be going to a Genetics Counselor in January and I'm not sure if that's going to help. I scheduled an appointment with my primary care doctor next month to discuss other issues I've been having. I guess it's that time when I'm feeling what getting old is all about.
I've never considered myself to be pretty, even though my husband tells me I am every day. My weight is up more than it should be and I struggle to find motivation to get a good daily workout in. My face, around both eyes, are covered in scars from surgery and I'm also missing some eye lashes because of it too. I try to hide the flaws with makeup but it's not enough. I've never spent much time worrying about my physical appearance and it shows, I guess.
Mentally I'm growing more and more every day. I make it a point to show kindness to everyone, because I realized that I don't know what others are going through in their lives. In a world that is filled with cruel people I want to be the one that shows kindness and compassion. That has become a priority to me. In school I'm always smiling and showing kindness to the children. In my home I want my kids to know that they are loved and cared for and always joke around with them. I've come a long way in my attitude. My prayer life has become better and my faith is stronger. I thank God every single day for the life I have, even in the moments when I don't feel strong enough to press on. Without my faith I would not have any strength.
I'm not interested in sharing a recent picture of me (thanks skin cancer) so here's me back in the baby days.
