International Dance Day

Today is International Dance Day and I thought it would be fun to take a walk down Memory Lane.  I only took ballet for five years and these 1980s costumes make me laugh.

And, of course, as soon as my daughter turned three we enrolled her in dance classes.  Her first few years she took a class that taught ballet and tap combined, with only doing ballet in the recitals.  Then she joined ballet and tap separately, doing both in the recitals, and has added praise class to the mix, too.  She's had to learn about quick costume changes and memorizing more than one dance.  It's impressive!  This is her fifth year and has made it as far as I had, but she has plans on continuing for as long as possible.  I hope she does.  Her fifth year isn't ending as she hoped, with classes having to be done online and a recital she's been working on that's been cancelled.  She did have one winter show and a role as a Snowflake in Moscow Ballet's Great Russian Nutcracker for the second year in a row.  So, so proud of this girl.  Next year she wants to add jazz class to the mix and possibly a spot on the competition team.  HOPEFULLY they continue in the fall.

Year 1

Year 2

Year3

Year 4

Year 5

My Little Girl

I believe the true heroes are all of the children who had their lives abruptly turned upside down without understanding why.  

I've talked with some parents who said their kids are actually happy they don't have to go to school but that's not my kids.  They are upset because of it.  

Last week my daughter told me she wanted to talk to a guidance counselor.  I told her I was there to listen anytime she wanted and later she said, "Mommy, can you be my guidance counselor right now?"  So, we went into my bedroom, shut the door, and laid in bed snuggled up together.  She laid out her heart and all that was bothering her and I listened and offered advice.  We kept talking until she was able to smile again.  It ended with a little tickling session, which always has her cracking up with laughter and that's my favorite thing to hear.  

This girl has always been super sensitive and has a heart that loves hard.  She cares so much about people and this virus has her sad for those who have it.  She's also hurting because of not getting to be in school where she can be in the classroom with her teachers and friends.  She's someone who needs that connection and misses playdates.  A few weeks ago when we learned that school was to remain closed for the rest of the year she cried loudly, on and off for several days.  A few of her teachers knew how much she was struggling and wanted to Zoom with her one on one last week, which she loved but at the same time seemed to make her miss it all more.  The director at dance also decided not to continue back with dance and the June recital has been cancelled.  That made things so much worse for her.  

My kids have expressed their opinions on the governor and his decision to close school and I let them speak their mind.  They have that right.  They are hurting.  I have explained why the government and health care workers feel it's necessary for all of us to 'shelter in place' but these are children who had to give up so many things they were looking forward to … that's not going to change how disappointed they are.  

I'm trying hard to help them make the best of these days.  They get through their schoolwork, and the rest of the day is for light chores and plenty of playtime.  I also never, ever, ever let them know how frustrated or sad I am at times, even if I have to fake a smile.  But my daughter comes with her own emotions and it's sometimes scary.  I never want my kids to go through anything I have experienced, especially depression.  

My daughter is emotional, affectionate and sweet.  She's constantly wanting to give me hugs and kisses and always asks me to be with her, especially lately.  She needs that comfort.  She'll be smiling and laughing and then suddenly start whining and crying over the smallest things, but to her they are big things.

I'm as encouraging as I can be with my kids and assure them that this will all be over eventually so we need to make the best of this constant time at home together.  But they are the ones suffering right now, unfortunately. 

The Days Are Blending Together

We are on day 41 of the 'stay at home order' (I think).  The days are blending together but I've actually been able to find peace with it.  I'm normally a homebody and an introvert and love my time spent at home.  I've never been much of a people person and I guess that stems from the many times of being hurt and the inability to trust.  There are a few family members I'm not currently on good terms with so being forced to not be around them is actually a pleasant thing.  There are plenty of people I am missing, though.  A few days ago I was on the phone with my friend Desiree and her and I talked about our frustrations with online school and this entire pandemic.  It was nice talking to someone who shares most of the same views I do and we agreed that we are going to soon meet up, even if it's just for a walk around a park trail.  The plans of opening up Pennsylvania has been stated but it's going to be a slow step by step process and will start in the northern counties.  We southern counties will be waiting a while, I'm sure of that.  I no longer hold my breath because it keeps changing.

The April calendar was filled with lots of activities, which is now nothing but eraser marks.  I'm sure the same will be said for May and the summer months.  As much as I'm ready to get back to normalcy, I'm savoring these precious moments at home with my family.  It's sometimes frustrating but mostly enjoyable.  Ok, let's be honest, it's MOSTLY frustrating, but we're finding balance.

The kids spend the mornings doing their school work.  I trust that my son can be 100% independent on his assignments.  In fact, today he told me he got 100% on both tests he needed to take.  My daughter, on the other hand, needs me to sit with her and guide her through the work.  I sometimes notice she gets in a rush and wants to take guesses and I gave her a lecture on that a few days ago … but that's been an ongoing issue for me and her teachers past and present.  On Mondays my son meets with all three teachers and his speech teacher on Zoom.  The rest of the week he only meets with one teacher each day.  On Tuesdays and Thursdays my daughter meets with her reading teacher on Zoom but her regular teachers do not use it.  It's a lot having to monitor two kids in two different grades ( and I now know why I do not homeschool) but they seem to be adjusting.  Both of them would rather be in school but we have to work with the cards we're dealt with.

There are days when I lose the motivation to get anything done.  The house is in need of attention and I get tired of telling my kids over and over again to pick up after themselves.  As long as everything is picked up before bedtime I'm okay with it.  It's not as though anyone is going to come over and see the messy house but it gives me anxiety to look at it.  I was also doing well with exercising but I lose that motivation too, quite often.  It's so easy to become lazy in times like these but I'm trying not to be.

Yesterday I joined my church in a day of fasting and prayer.  Whew, I don't know how Jesus was able to fast for 40 days and 40 nights.  That makes me even more amazed by Him.  I fasted for two nights and one day.  Needless to say, this morning I enjoyed a big breakfast.  But I'm happy to fast, as it shows God that I am willing to give up something essential in order to show him just how much I want healing for this world and all the individuals affected by this virus.

I really am glad that I get to spend this time with my family.  I think of those who have to be alone through this and it makes me sad.  I think this has given me a deeper love and appreciation for my kids.  We've always been close but this has made us even closer.  I'm grateful for the time together.

And I do read from some on social media who say they finally understand what it means to be a stay-at-home mom.  I laugh at that because this isn't even close.  As a stay-at-home mom I was able to go places and do things with friends.  This is definitely different.

This is an unprecedented time that caught us all off guard but it was nothing that was a surprise to God.  We sit here anxiously waiting for life to go back to normal and each day feels as though they are blending together but God knew this was coming and He also knows when and if it will end.  I listen to the White House briefings and I listen to the governor and secretary of health but I put my entire trust and faith in God because he has a plan and a purpose and has every intention of getting us to the other side, even if it's not as quickly as we'd like.

Now I have to go make meatballs for tonight's dinner … and maybe some cookies …