New Year ... New Me?

It's a new year and a time where I should feel motivated to start things over again.  To discover a new me and set some new goals and challenges for myself.  I look at my naked body in the mirror and see fat rolls that shouldn't be there.  I stepped on the scale this morning and saw more pounds added since the last time I checked.  You can say it was from the holidays but honestly it's because of habits I've endured in the entire year.  I was doing so well with healthy eating and exercise but suddenly became so lazy with it.  I gave up.  I didn't want to give up but I did.  I kept telling myself I'd get back into it the next day but those days turned into weeks and months.  Suddenly, there I was looking at my reflection with disgust. 

It's time to get back into the routine of doing what's right.  My determination to live a healthier lifestyle isn't so much about vanity but about survival.  I spent years watching as my mother's health slowly declined and even when becoming a diabetic she still continued to lay around the house and stuff her face with junk.  I know she had no self control and even struggled with some demons but the moment I watched as she lay almost lifeless in the hospital bed after having a stroke I knew I couldn't let myself get into this condition.  I was already living a life that wasn't so active and wasn't so healthy.  I immediately changed.  I was doing great.  People were commenting on how skinny I was getting.  I worked out every day.  I was motivated and determined and I was succeeding.  Then somewhere down the line I just stopped.  Isn't that so typical of us?  I see this with a lot of people.  They start on a great work out routine and then suddenly stop.  Life gets in the way and we struggle to find the time.  Then, since we got out of the habit, we lose motivation. 

I want that motivation again.  I want that determination.  I want the healthy lifestyle.  Not just because it's a fresh start to the year.  Because I'm 40 years old and I need to change.  I need this physical change and I need a mental change.  There are things in my heart and in my mind that I want gone and I spent a good part of my morning praying to God to help me change my heart and mind to how He sees fit.  I'll get there.  I've already come so far.  I just need to keep myself there.  One day at a time. 

2019 you're going to be a good year!  I'll make sure of it.