"Don't worry, Jesus Is Going To Take Care of Us"

We completed 2 weeks of our Coronacation (that's what a friend is calling it so I stole the idea).  I'm not going to focus on that today because, well, this is all becoming too much.

Instead I'll focus on another hard time in my life.  We are now on the 8 year anniversary of my mother's stroke.  I wrote in detail about the experience before.  I can't believe it's been 8 years and I am truly thankful to God that after all this time she's still alive.

Because of having to be distant from others I haven't seen my parents for a few weeks.  It's a really hard thing to go through.  Normally, during this anniversary I like to see her and give her a big hug as I thank God for allowing me to have more time with her.

Her Alzheimer's is getting worse and it's hard to predict how much longer she has, but she's slowly fading away.  I've cried many tears, prayed many prayers, but I'm holding onto all the memories I have with her and thankful that she's still with us.

My mother and I didn't always have the best relationship as I was growing up but she was the one person who had always been there for me.  She rocked me to sleep when I was a baby, she kissed my boo boos, she cheered me on at my dance recitals and when I was twirling flags in the colorguard, she gave love and kindness to all of my friends who came to the house, and she is the reason I believe in God.

When I was little I would lay in bed having trouble falling asleep because my parents were fighting somewhere in the house.  This is a part of my childhood I haven't shared out of respect for my father, and also these events don't even matter to me anymore.  All is forgiven, but this moment I'm about to tell is so imperative when it comes to how my faith started.  Anyway, my parents' fights were always brutal.  It wasn't just yelling but it became physical too.  I heard it all.  I experienced what children shouldn't have to experience; but years later things did change, lessons were learned and forgiveness was made.  A home should be the safest place for a child, unfortunately for me, it was the place I hated to be in.  Sometimes after their fights when my dad was finally asleep in bed my mother would sneak into my room and sit at my desk and cry.  I don't know why she chose my room and I guess she thought I was sleeping.  One night she saw I was awake and she sat beside me on my bed and held me in her arms and said, "Don't worry, Jesus is going to take care of us."  At that moment I began praying and asking Jesus to do just that.  I held onto that belief and it's something I say to myself in every negative situation I am faced with, even now during what our world is currently going through.

Jesus was there watching over throughout the abuse.  Jesus was there for me through all the hard times and the good times.   He was there when I sat in my bedroom with a knife and a decision to end my life.  Jesus was there as I watched my mother laying still and unconscious in the hospital bed when none of us were sure she was going to make it.  He's here with me now as I struggle through my days of being stuck at home and anxiously waiting for life to get back to normal.  I really don't know how I could live my days if I didn't have faith and I'm so thankful my mother introduced me to Him.

Just like you said, Mom, Jesus is taking care of us!  I'm thanking God for her today and every day!

I NEED A HUG!

Don't worry, Brianna's still open for business.

One term that seems to be overly used lately is 'social distancing.'  I have even been saying it, but I'm so tired of hearing it.  Besides, are we really being socially distant from each other?  No!  Because of technology we are still able to stay social with each other.  Calling or texting, email and social media, Facetime or Skype, there are so many ways we can stay connected to those who are outside of our homes.

We are not socially distancing ourselves.  We are being physically distant.  There is a difference.

I'm enjoying all the extra hugs and kisses from my kids but I am missing the simplest hug, handshake and high five from everyone else.  I am not an affectionate person so if I reach out and offer you a hug then you must be special to me; however, when all of this is over I probably won't be able to help running over to a complete stranger and giving them a hug.  It's one of the small things I've taken for granted.

Even though my kids can't physically be in school right now they are still staying socially connected to their teachers through email and still able to complete assignments on their iPads.  They miss being in the building and in the classrooms but it doesn't stop their learning.

Even though my daughter hasn't been able to physically go to her dance classes and be among the other dancers and teachers, her teachers are putting lessons onto YouTube for the kids to practice at home.  We are just hoping and praying that a June recital still happens.

The kids are still learning, still practicing their music and dancing, and we are all still keeping in touch with loved ones one way or another.  So thankful for technological advancements!

Stay socially active but keep a physical distance!

Murphy says, "Hey, since you aren't needing this backpack right now can I use it for a bed?"  Yes, this old man will sleep anywhere.

At home tap class.  Still socially connected to Miss. Andrea.

A Day In Our (temporarily new) Life

Hello friends,

It's pretty cool to see I have readers from all over the United States as well as other places such as Portugal and all over Europe.  Even Italy?  Oh, Italy!  My heart breaks for you.  My great-grandparents on my mother's side came here from Italy.  You are a country that has my heart as well as my heritage.  As you stay connected to neighbors through your open windows I want to say ...

Che Dio porti la guarigionein Italia e alla tua famiglia e ai tuoi amici.

(May God send healing to Italy and to all of your family and friends.)

I like to use this blog to uplift those who need it, send encouragement and spread some cheer.  In life I strive to be that person who makes people laugh and gives kindness.  However, I am human with human emotions and this has also become a place for me to share my struggles.  Sharing my struggles helps others to know that they aren't alone.  I try hard to keep it all together and go through life as if everything is okay.

The truth is I'm stressed, frustrated, and depressed.

I've been feeling this way long before Covid-19 stopped our normal routine, but being stuck in isolation has not helped at all.  In fact, I feel myself spiraling down farther and farther and it's taking more strength than usual to try and pull me back up.  My husband notices.  My kids notice.  I think even the dog notices.

But life goes on and I am doing my best to continue to find the good in it all.  2020 has brought on quite the test.

Yesterday was a VERY stressful day in my home and after everyone went to bed I decided to enjoy the peace and quiet of the night.  I stayed up until 1am writing a book I've been working on.  Since there is no work and no school I haven't had any alone time.  I cherish my alone time.  So, I'm finding that quietness when staying up late, or taking a shower, and even going for a walk/run.  This morning I woke up early and went for a jog around the neighborhood.  With an ear bud in one ear I played Praise and Worship music.  That's all I've been listening to lately.  I decided instead of using that time to pray I was going to, instead, listen.  God spoke to me through the words in those songs and He reminded me that no matter what happens He is in conrol.  I need that constant daily reminder.  The jog felt good even though it was short and the rain started to drizzle on me.  I needed it!

I arrived back home to see my kids were awake and helping themselves to breakfast.  They got dressed and my daughter was told to clean her room.  When she finished she did some reading and unofficial school work that was suggested by her teacher.

I'm guessing this is what our lives are going to look like for longer than anticipated.  Murphy seems to enjoy it!

Right now my daughter is downstairs watching television and my son is playing video games on the living room television.  I'll allow that too.  Lately, I'm allowing that more than usual because these poor kids have had their routines abruptly stopped.  I can see how frustrating it is for my son.  He walks around like a lost puppy dog.  He is an active boy and is used to school, friends, and after school activities.  He's lost without all of it.  This is his last year in elementary school and there was so much he was looking forward to, but this may be the end of it, or at least a big chunk of it will go missing.  It's not fair.  Can we go back to our normal lives after these two weeks?  I'm sure we could come up with a better solution.

I'm using this time wisely.  Even though we have plenty of food I've been rationing on how much I eat and I've been exercising more than usual.  I'm already down 5 lbs and it's a wonderful feeling.  Things are slowly getting done around the house (and with kids it's hard to keep anything to stay clean and organized).  The projects that we've been wanting to do for awhile are finally getting done.  There's good to be found in it.  But my mood is down, my  husband and I are butting heads, and these walls are caving in on me.  This too shall pass … right?

In light of what's going on here's a little humor for all the mamas.

When All Hope Seems Lost

We made it to ONE week of isolation.  How is everyone doing?

I've heard people say they believe this is God's way of punishing the world for not abiding by his commandments.  One woman specifically pinpointed things that have been going on in China, Italy, and in certain parts of The United States that have been affected the most.  I actually do believe in that possibility and Scripture has already warned that such things will happen.   I've also heard people say they believe this is God's way of forcing us to stop our busy lives and relax, reflect, get caught up on things we hadn't had time for, fix broken relationships, etc.  I see the truth in that too.  Whether this is God's wrath or God's healing I've already seen the work that this has brought.  We are a world that has become very corrupt and our own country has become extremely divided, especially in the last few years.  Now we see how both sides of the political spectrum are coming together to fight this pandemic.  Families inside their own four walls are coming together and learning together.  In only one week we have already learned so many valuable lessons and what we've taken for granted.  In the midst of this tragedy we are finding peace in it.  Yes, good will come when it's all over.  

The hardest part is the uncertainty of what the next days/weeks will bring.  Not having those answers can wreak havoc in the mind of someone with anxiety.  I do not do well in situations I cannot control and the devil knows how easy it is to put negative thoughts into my mind.  Everything I hear on the news and on social media is becoming too overwhelming.  If things continue to get worse and more businesses are shut down what does that do for our economy?  My son has been learning about the Great Depression in social studies but is he about to experience what it's like by actually living through it?  Is it true when people fear that Martial Law is coming next?  Or will we be able to go about our normal lives in just a few weeks?  '15 days to slow the spread' is turning into longer because no one is listening about the importance of social distancing and the government is noticing and this virus is spreading rapidly.  So, what does that mean for the weeks/months ahead?  Some states have already made the decision to close schools/colleges for the remainder of the year.  No graduation ceremony.  No spring sports.  My heart breaks for those kids and it's causing my depression to spiral down again.  Then, I get a joke in a text from one of my sibings, or a friend sends me a Christian song that brings comfort, or my husband assures me that no matter what happens we as a family will be okay.  God sends me reminders of His love and helps me to remember that no matter how bad things seem He is the One in control.  Truly, no matter what happens in this world I still have faith, family, and friends and there is nothing that can take any of that away.  The government may have the control to shut everything down and keep me from physically being able to be close to those I love, but they will never be able to stop the love I feel and receive from those who mean so much to me.

We are in a very challenging and unsettling time right now but we serve a mighty God who can bring hope to the hopeless and healing to the sick.  I encourage you to read Psalm 91 and realize that God was well aware these times were going to happen and it is His will that He will see us through.

Don't lose hope, my friends.  Sending you love and good vibes from a 'social distance.'

Siblings

With everything going on and people feeling trapped in their homes it's quickly made everyone realize how much they've taken for granted.  I learned that lesson many years ago, at the age of 13, when my parents moved me away from family.  I went from being surrounded by a ton of family to feeling like I was the only child.  My nieces and nephews grew up and I missed so much of it.  Despite being so far away I still feel blessed to have them and I cherish the time when we do get together.

Even though my siblings are 16, 14, and 7 years older than I am it has never stopped us from being close.  The three of them still reside on Long Island while I'm stuck here in Pennsylvania (or "Pennsyltucky" as my brother-in-law Rob jokingly calls it) but we still remain in constant contact  and whenever we visit each other it's as if we were never apart. 

Bill, Debbie, and Denise.  I don't know what I'd do without them.  It has been tough living so far away from them.  At times I do feel alone and wish I had the opportunity to live closer. 

Denise, Deb, me, Bill

At our niece Noelle's Sweet 16

Our nephew Billy's wedding

Niece Chrissy's engagement party

Cousin Anthony's wedding

MY WEDDING!

 

Denise's wedding.  I was two months away from turning 16.

Debbie's wedding.  I was in 2nd grade.

Easter 1980-something

 

Denise taking care of me

The first time they met me.  October 1978.

And what's pretty cool is that the four of us created all of them:

Christmas 2019

Things To Do

We've been directed to follow social distancing, and this is imperative if we want to nip this virus in the bud.  I'm afraid these two weeks are going to turn into a lot longer and it makes me really sad.  Being stuck at home might seem like a frustrating thing.  To an introvert, like myself, I value my time at home … but … I also hate when I'm not in control of a situation and that leaves me with feelings of anxiety.  I find myself caught between feeling depressed and anxious but then also seeing what good we can do with this.

If you're finding yourself bored and stuck with nothing to do rest assured there is SO MUCH you can do!

First and foremost, I recommend praying and spending as much time as you can in prayer.  In my last post I may have gotten a bit too controversial than I like to be.  My only point was the importance of praying for our president and everyone in office.  They have a tough job, especially with what's going on right now.  I have switched off any negativity I hear about any of them and instead pray for their hearts and minds and that God leads them to do what is right for all of us in this time.  I can't imagine what it feels like to be in their shoes.  It's also important to pray for health care workers who are working hard and tiring themselves out.  They don't get the time off we do.  Also, pray for the truck drivers and grocery store workers who are working even harder to deliver and restock shelves because of all the chaos and panic this has caused people.  Pray for those who are currently sick and pray that this doesn't spread further.

With kids not being in school this is a great time to sit and help educate them.  However you can.  Teach them.  Guide them.  There are so many educational tools available to help their brains not turn to mush while they are away from school.  I also believe that spending this educational time with them will help parents to have a better appreciation for teachers.  They work harder than you could imagine and deserve more praise than they get.

This is also a great time to get out those board games or other activities.  We have decided to make every night in our house for the time being game night and movie night.

We are entering the season of spring, which means SPRING CLEANING!  There is plenty to do with that.  Wiping down walls, floors, cabinets, etc.  Vacuuming dusting, reorganizing.   I've got a ton of projects going on in my house.  I really needed this down time in order to get it all accomplished.  It's also good to get the kids involved too.  They need to learn how to clean.  Give them these responsibilities.

Take my dog's advice and just relax.  Take a nap.

This is also a great opportunity to read or reread books you have laying around.  Do some writing too.  I'm sure you'll be hearing a lot from me via this blog in the upcoming days.

READ YOUR BIBLE!  Also, throughout this time it's important to remember that God is in control and will deliver us through this.  In a human sense we can only see what's directly in front of us but God can see the entire future and can use our experience for a purpose.  I'm already seeing what that purpose is.

And I'm sure there are other things you married couples can think of … but just remember  (I snatched this off of someone's Facebook) ...

Hey, let's find humor in all of this too!!!

National Day of Prayer

President Trump declared today a National Day or Prayer.  We are a world in need of prayer and I am most grateful for a president who understands this.

 

                             photo credit: Diamond and Silk

With the media and so many in this country who have been so cruel and vicious towards this man, I choose to pray for him instead.  Every day I pray for him.  I pray as he leads our country, making tough decisions while being judged and made fun of for everything he does.  So many spread ignorance while I focus on the fact that he is someone who honors and wants to protect the rights that are dear to me.  He isn't perfect but he's doing the job he's been called to do.  Regardless of how you may feel, God has a purpose and a plan.  Today and everyday I will pray for President Trump, for the government, for our nation, and for this world.  

I'm also praying for this illness that has shaken the world.  I pray for those currently suffering with it and the loved ones of those who have been lost because of it.  I pray this virus ends and we can go back to living as normal.  

I pray for my loved ones and all of the personal issues they are dealing with.  If you have a specific prayer request send them directly to me at dawnmarie1078@gmail.com and I will be happy to pray for you.  

I believe that judgement, harsh words, fear, and worry solve absolutely nothing ... but sending requests and praise to the ONE who can save us is everything.  

It Is What It Is

After school was cancelled it wasn't long before many other things followed.

Church - cancelled.
Dance - cancelled.
Scouts - cancelled.
Baseball practices - cancelled.

Can we just cancel 2020 all together?

I'm really not trying to complain.  I did at first, but now I'm realizing that there's no point in complaining.  I recently read a book from Jennie Allen called GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD, which talks about how to remove toxic thoughts and turn them into positive, godly thoughts.  So, we could either complain about the current situation or we can seek to find the good in it.  The choice is ultimately ours.

A friend recently stated that she believes this is a way to bring families together and help them reconnect.  I love that!  Truly, God can take any awful situation and turn it into something amazing.  So, if you feel stuck at home because plans are cancelled I encourage you to reach out to family members and friends, especially those who you haven't talked to in a long time.  It's also important at this time to reach out to elderly neighbors.  The elderly are the ones who will be most affected by this.  So far in the United States there have been 55 deaths because of the Coronavirus and most have been senior citizens with weak immune systems.  This is a very dangerous virus for them.  Because of my mother's condition my father made the choice to keep her home and away from people.

This is such a terrible thing and it's already driving me crazy but we can make it into a good thing too.  Not only to reconnect with others but to unwind from busy lives.  I've been using this time for spring cleaning and reorganizing.  My house definitely could use it and I haven't had the time before. 

In other news, HAPPY PI DAY math geeks!

March Madness

No, I'm not talking about the NCAA basketball tournament (because that's been cancelled).  So has other sporting events, Disney, Broadway, upcoming concerts, and school.

All because of the Coronavirus.

I don't know what to think about this, to be honest.  On one hand I believe it's better to be safe than sorry and on the other hand I'm like ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?

It's amazing how the mood in my posts can change so drastically.  In my last post I was excited about all that is to come … and now ...

School is closed for at least two weeks, my son's band concert is cancelled, the talent show is cancelled (and I paid her dance teacher extra to help her come up with a dance), baseball season is postponed.  My son was supposed to go camping with the scouts next weekend and it sounds like that might be cancelled.  What else?  When I first heard about all of these changes I panicked to the point of an anxiety attack.   Not because I am scared of this virus, that's not it at all.  It's because everything has suddenly changed and I have to give up all those things I was looking forward to.   I don't like change, especially when I have no control over it.  This was supposed to be a month filled with fun. 

It's also amusing to see stores running out of toilet paper, people blaming the president, and all the panic that surrounds this.  It's important to be safe and vigilant … but what's toilet paper have to do with it?  The media succeeded in causing hysteria.  This is a fear pandemic.  I'm choosing not to be fearful, but giving it all to the only One who could save us.

Working at the school I see first hand just how much those students and teachers can use the break.  It gives us at home an opportunity to focus on spring cleaning.  It will also give me a chance to find time to sit and write my book, hopefully.

Is all of this necessary?  I'm not sure … maybe … maybe not.  I'm still trying to process it.

Stay healthy, friends!  Wash your hands.  Say your prayers.  Enjoy quality time with loved ones. 

A New Season

Having to set the clocks one hour ahead definitely messed with us this morning as we all tried to get out of bed and start a new week.  The kids took more time than usual waking up and spent the entire morning needing to be corrected for their attitudes.  As difficult as it is to lose that one hour it's exciting to know what's to come.  The sun is shining, the birds are chirping and my daffodils are starting to make an appearance.  According to the calendar spring doesn't officially start for another 10 days but it's already here and I'll take it.  The Farmer's Almanac says a big snow storm is coming, but I'll choose to ignore that.  Snow and winter are not my thing!  I love the season we are entering and I can't wait for more sunshine and warmth.  My recent mood tells me I'm in need of some Vitamin D!

Solomon reminds us in Ecclesiastes that there is a time for every season we are faced with.  Even though the upcoming spring and summer months makes me want to dance with joy there are situations appearing that make me want to weep; admittedly, I've been doing a lot of weeping lately.  Even though I'm currently faced with some hard times there is so much good to enjoy.

My son's baseball season has started, my daughter is preparing for her June dance recital, my son was picked to be in a trumpet trio for a school concert and my daughter will be performing her first solo dance in the school talent show.  This is the time when we're busy, busy, busy and the pride I have for these two overshadows any obstacles I'm facing.

I gave myself a chance to mourn in sadness over my recent diagnosis and some other things going on, but now I'm ready to focus on all the good God has placed in my life.  Granted, it's not as easy as I make it seem and it's been quite a process but I'm ready to enter this new season with a better and more upbeat attitude.

HAPPY (early) SPRING!