Tuesday, March 26, 2019

Always Changing

I've been in this life for 40 years.  That's 40 years of mistakes, wrong choices and a lot of learning.  I'm still learning.  I will keep on learning.  I've also done a lot of changing.  Who I was twenty years ago is not the person I am today.  I'm even different from the person I was ONE year ago.  I can't tell you the number of times I've looked back and thought wow what was I thinking?
I'm also a woman of faith and have taken so many of my concerns to God.  In the last few years I've been very consistent in praying for God to change my heart and He's constantly working with me on doing just that.  The changes are already taking place.  Having once been someone who could have so easily lashed out on someone for saying something to make me mad has now been replaced with a subtle giggle and my feet leading me away from the situation.  When I used to be so sensitive to the opinions of others I'm now finding myself caring less.

I used to spend my time posting a lot of controversial things on my Facebook page.  It was only when certain political or news topics came up and a lot of people were posting about it.  I decided to share my two cents for a few reasons: one, I wanted those who share the same views as me to see that they aren't alone and two, I wanted those on the opposing side to see a different point of view.  Even though social media has become such a great platform to share thoughts on certain matters I've realized that it's just not worth it.  Are people really listening anyway?  I can say that anytime I log onto Facebook, Twitter or Instagram I become annoyed whenever someone is sharing a political thought or a current news story.  Social media should be fun.  If I'm having a stressful day I want a place to go to for a moment where I can escape reality and cheer up for a bit.  I took a few breaks here and there from Facebook and came back with a much different attitude.  Unless it's an update about my life or something positive, I'm not posting it.  It's the same as if I don't have anything nice to say I'm not saying it.

I also realize that we all come from different backgrounds, families and experiences.  What I feel is right may not be what someone else feels is right and that's okay.  Someone may be making some really bad choices and we naturally feel quick to want to judge them - but remember - we all mess up at one time or another.  God doesn't judge one sin worse than the other.  I also believe we all have the ability to change.  If we mess up, as Christians we know we can go to God and ask for forgiveness.  Once he forgives us we are washed clean of it and can move on to better ourselves.  At that point what we had once done doesn't matter anymore.

Why am I writing all of this?  Because I'm tired of being judged by others in regards to who I used to be.  I recently was being insulted (and maybe he meant it jokingly but I still get tired of it) on the kind of person I was eighteen years ago.  He brought up things that really didn't matter anymore and this particular person seems to want to do that every time I see him.  Trust me when I say, I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to beating myself up over all the things I've done.  I do not need a reminder from others.  Besides, I'm not that person anymore.  I'm not perfect now but I'm so much better than what I used to be.  I'm still maturing, still growing, and still learning.

During a time when these people were talking very rudely about me (mostly behind my back but I heard about it) I felt very hurt and confused.  Then my husband said something that I try to implement now, "If they don't live here with us then their opinion doesn't matter."  Truly, that's so important to realize.  If you aren't with me every single day then you have no right to judge how I live my life.  If you don't know the battles I'm fighting in my head and what God is working with me on then you have no right to judge the kind of person I am - even my husband doesn't know what I pray about and we share the same bed.

I'm a work in progress so please respect that and don't continue to hold me accountable for the person I was yesterday.  I'm learning not to judge others too.


"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come." -- 2 Corinthians 5:17


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