LOSING MY RELIGION ... TO FIND YOU

I became a fan of singer Lauren Daigle when I heard her song You Say.  The song reminds me that when I feel that I'm not good enough God thinks I'm worth it.  It's a song that so many have been able to relate to, even those who do not live faith-based lives.  Then I came across her song Losing My Religion and the lyrics are so much of my testimony and the decisions I have made when I realized a relationship with Jesus Christ was more important than the religion I had followed all of those years prior.

LOSING MY RELIGION

I've been an actor on a stage
Playing a role I have to play
I'm getting tired, it's safe to say
Living behind a masquerade

No more performing out of fear
I'm trying to keep my conscience clear
It all seems so insincere
I'd trade it all to meet You here

I'm losing my religion
I'm losing my religion

Light a match and watch it burn
But to Your heart, I will return
No one could love me like You do, no-no-no-no, no-no
So why would I want a substitute

I'm losing my religion
I'm losing my religion
I'm losing my religion
I'm losing my religion
To find You

I'm losing my religion, and finding something new
'Cause I need something different, and different looks like You
I'm losing my religion, and finding something new
'Cause I need something different, and different looks like You

Oh, I'm losing my religion
I'm losing my religion
I'm losing my religion
I'm losing my religion
To find You, to find You
To find You, to find You

You

                                     ⒸLauren Daigle 

I was almost twenty years old and in business school when I officially gave my life to Christ, even though I had believed in God since I was a small child.  I knew of His existence and I prayed when I felt it was appropriate but I also felt that we had the free will to live as we desired and He would be okay with that as long as we didn't murder anyone.  Then I started hanging out with people who lived their lives pursuing Christ and seeming so content and I made the decision to hang out with them, ask questions, attend their churches and see what it was truly all about.  I joined a friend every Friday night at a young adult Christian group called Koinonia that was run by her cousin and cousin's husband.  I learned so much about what it meant to give our life to Christ and to live for Him.  I gave my life to Christ in June of 1998 when I joined some of them at the Creation Festival.  Immediately my life changed for the better and I could feel a sense of peace in my mind that had felt depression for so long.  It was wonderful.  

I continued attending the Catholic church I grew up in and also spent some Sundays joining friends in their churches.  I prayed daily and read the Bible.  I learned so much about what it meant to live for Christ and because of it I wanted to share this knowledge with others.  However, I wasn't the best when it came to witnessing.  My family didn't understand why I made the decision to officially leave the Catholic church and that was after taking a long time to prayer and seek God's will.  I just felt it was the best for me and I found another type of church that was more suitable for the life I was seeking.  My family saw me as being religious but, in fact, I was becoming the opposite.  I realized and believed that religion was unimportant and what I needed to focus on solely was having a relationship with Jesus.  The unfortunate thing was I had trouble putting into words why I felt the way I did.  I was harsh, rude, and judgemental.  Well, that's definitely not how to handle things as a Christian and I can see that now.  I wish I knew better then.  

Religion is the rules and regulations made by the church, most of which is from Biblical principles.  Religion is when you are told you must do things this way and that way.  Although, having a church to attend is important and following Bible-based rules is important I've come to learn that the personal relationship with Jesus is what needs to be focused on the most.  Seeking Him in prayer and conversation whenever possible.  Looking to Him during the good and the bad.  Allowing Him to be the center of my marriage and in my parenting.  Allowing Him to make the decisions of my life.  When I feel tempted I can say God would not be happy with that rather than saying my church would not be happy with that.  I am not religious.  I'm just a sinner in need of a Savior and yes there's a difference.  

I wanted to take a moment to clarify what it means to be religious vs. having a relationship and I wanted to share a bit about my belief in that.  I also wanted to say that my actions and how I handled conversations in the past is definitely something I regret wholeheartedly.  I don't want my family, friends and strangers to see me as the bitter Christian.  Christians already have a bad reputation.  Instead, I want people to see me as someone who has messed up but is changing every day.  Someone who can smile, show warmth and kindness to all.  I still mess up and I still have thoughts in my head I wish weren't there.  As I stated in another post, I'm a work in progress.  Always.  If I can apologize to everyone who I showed bitterness to I want to do that now and then I want to move forward as a new creation.  

There have also been people who have put me down for my belief and I'm okay with that.  It's a personal relationship with Someone I have felt a connection to.  I've had prayers that were answered.  I've felt Him close to me many times.  It might seem silly to those who don't quite understand and I want to help people to understand.  Some people don't understand and don't believe because they haven't allowed that relationship to happen for themselves.  You can't expect God to do work in your life if you won't let Him in.  I'm telling you, it's worth it.  Also when you can live your life seeking Him and His will so much good falls into place.  It doesn't make life perfect, trust me, mine is far from it; however, it does help justify why things happen the way they do.  It has given me so much peace and understanding through the bad times and I'm able to work through life so much better.  It's nice to know that  when things seem hard or when I'm going through something I don't understand there's Someone there that can see the entire picture and has a plan and purpose for it all.

When time allows, I would love to sit here and blog more about my journey as a Christian and all the wonderful things I've learned from it.