On Saturday I spent the day with my parents. Because of my busy schedule I don't get to see them as often as I should. I'm in what is called the "sandwich generation" where I'm raising a family of my own but also having to take care of my aging parents. Its not an easy place to be but it is necessary. My three siblings live on Long Island and their lives are pretty hectic too. They don't get to visit often and, sadly, they don't bother to call my parents often either. That bothers my father a lot. Jumping in when needed is left up to me and as much as I'm willing to do it, it's not always easy. I was supposed to watch my mother while my dad went to Long Island for his best friend's funeral but his sciatica pain has been acting up and he was not able to make the trip. I still went over to the house to help clean and made dinner. My mother is in her final stage of Alzheimer's. She can no longer walk, can barely speak, and often needs help being fed. My father insists on keeping her at home with him instead of a nursing home but it's taking a toll on him. Saturday was the worst I had seen my mother. She has also been choking on her own saliva and it gets bad. Her neurologist warned my father that her time is coming to a close very soon. This has weighed heavily on me and I don't know what to do. They need me. My husband and kids need me. I'm torn in between.
I’m so sorry about your Mom. Yes, being sandwiched is a stressful place to be especially when your mom does need some extra help.
ReplyDeleteI’ll keep you in my prayers. God bless.
As an outsider looking at your conundrum, it seems to me that the one remedy might be to talk to your siblings about the issue. Since there are four of you altogether, even as busy as they are you all may be able to divide your time on a schedule to look in/help the parents. Sometimes people get busy and don't stop to think about other's burdens such as the one you carry, communication may help. You're certainly an exception in this "me first" self centered society, putting other's needs ahead of your own...Godspeed.
ReplyDeleteDawn, this is definitely the hardest season. We've been in it for a while and it's so tough. What I'm starting to observe around me are people who insist on keeping loved ones at home, when that loved one needs more care than the caregiver can handle. This seems like such a noble thing to do, but really it puts more stress on everyone in the family, and sometimes even the patient. Many times the caregiver gives out before the actual one who needed the care. It's a burden you can't carry all on your own and your siblings need to be asked to step up and it may even be time to place your mom in a facility where they are trained to meet all of her needs. Your family needs you too and it's your time to raise your kids and tend to your marriage, just as your parents had the chance to do. You can still be there for your parents, but not take on that medical role, which isn't for the faint of heart. I hope you can find some peace and that your family will step up and do their part.
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