I Don't Prefer This Type of Sandwich

 On Saturday I spent the day with my parents.  Because of my busy schedule I don't get to see them as often as I should.  I'm in what is called the "sandwich generation" where I'm raising a family of my own but also having to take care of my aging parents.  Its not an easy place to be but it is necessary.  My three siblings live on Long Island and their lives are pretty hectic too.  They don't get to visit often and, sadly, they don't bother to call my parents often either.  That bothers my father a lot.  Jumping in when needed is left up to me and as much as I'm willing to do it, it's not always easy.  I was supposed to watch my mother while my dad went to Long Island for his best friend's funeral but his sciatica pain has been acting up and he was not able to make the trip.  I still went over to the house to help clean and made dinner.  My mother is in her final stage of Alzheimer's.  She can no longer walk, can barely speak, and often needs help being fed.  My father insists on keeping her at home with him instead of a nursing home but it's taking a toll on him.  Saturday was the worst I had seen my mother.  She has also been choking on her own saliva and it gets bad.  Her neurologist warned my father that her time is coming to a close very soon.  This has weighed heavily on me and I don't know what to do.  They need me.  My husband and kids need me.  I'm torn in between.   

Friday was senior night at the football game.  They honored all of the senior football players, cheerleaders and band members.  We escorted Matthew on the field as they talked about his future plans.  I've been able to hold myself together but at the end of the game as the band played "Sweet Caroline" in the stands the tears began to flow uncontrollably.  That was the last home game my son would perform in and it felt bittersweet.  More bitter than sweet, honestly.  

I've been trying hard to keep it all together but feeling unsure if I'm mentally equipped to handle all of it.  That's when my faith kicks in and I ask God for guidance, strength and clarity.  He certainly gives it to me and I'm grateful for that.  Even in this season of trials I still remain thankful.  

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

-- James 1:2 -4