No matter how busy life gets I always try to make it a point to jump on this little blog of mine to update on things that are going on. It's nice to have a place to look back on, I just wish I could have only kept one spot that had been consistent through the beginning of marriage. It all started on Xanga and I had posts filled with memories of the start of being a wife to the time of bringing my first baby in the world into toddlerhood before the page shut down. Then I gave Wordpress a try but did not like it. Then moved to Blogger where I had one page and then after a few years created a new one, this one. I was going to keep the other one and use this for more formal, impersonal writing but I ended up using this just as I did the other one. So, there you go. Either from an issue out of my control or just in my indecisive stubbornness I haven't been able to keep just one blog for all the memories.
This will be it, though. I'm not moving on again. I grew tired of change.
And speaking of change, the seasons of motherhood are never the same and I struggle with that. I have an eighteen year old and a fourteen year old and those teenage years have been nothing short of tough and frustrating. I enjoy them, still, and there are many reasons to be proud but it's also so exhausting at the same time. My son has one more month of school and he has a lot to do and he's struggling to stay motivated. We try to push him to help stay on course but then he just gets frustrated with us. Now that he's eighteen he just wants to be an adult and treated as such but he has to show the maturity first. He's still under our roof. It's difficult to know when to let go and when to hold on. The fourteen year old has been struggling in her first year of high school. She has a heart that's sweet and gentle and it breaks very easily. Some kids in school pick on her. She quit dance and wanted to do more school related activities but she's been struggling to succeed in those things. I'm proud of her, nonetheless, but her attitude has been very discouraging and I feel as though I don't have enough strength inside of me to keep going with her but I love her too much to give up on her. That's just a glimpse at the difficult things going on in my life.
And the week started with a dental appointment. I already have anxiety about the dentist and I changed to a new one, which made me even more anxious but the change was necessary. I need to have work done. Very expensive, out of pocket work. Ugh! I'm going to put it off for as long as I can. I'm not dealing with any pain so I'll hang on for now.
Tuesday was senior recognition night at the track meet and the last time our Matthew will be running on his high school track. It was a bittersweet feeling. This is just his second year running track. He spent years playing baseball but suddenly found a love for running and he's really good at it. He went from spending most of his time on the bench at baseball to coming in first or second place in running. I don't know how he does it but I am proud. He'll be continuing running cross country and track in college.
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