Running on Empty

I pulled into the gas station just as the needle on the fuel gauge was at empty mark.  Running out of gas on a 95° day wouldn't have been good, and I've done that already before.  

It seems as though my gas tank wasn't the only thing almost running empty.  I've been feeling that way for a long time and it only seems to be getting worse.  With this being the last week of school I'm hoping things will be better during summer break.  I cannot wait for summer break.

I'm only at work for five hours but in those five hours I'm on my feet running back and forth from the cafeteria to the kitchen over and over again.  By the time I get home my feet are on fire and I can barely walk.  Then I go home to a house that is constantly a mess.  When I try to get my children involved in helping it ends up turning into a fit.  I remember when they were smaller and so willing to help out.  Now, I have to take away the television, video games, etc. until they finish cleaning.  It still becomes quite a hassle.  There is always something that needs cleaned and it doesn't help when my husband pitches a fit when stumbling upon one of those messes.  I don't have an eight hour desk job.  I'm on my feet all day and by the end of the day I'm feeling shot.  Is life supposed to be this crazy?    

Aside from all that I've been dealing with some foot pain and pain in another unmentionable part of my body.  Sometimes I feel a tingly sensation in my head.  Most of the time I'm exhausted.  

I'm also getting lazy when it comes to fitness and knowing how important it is to stay in shape for health reasons but lacking energy to do anything about it.  The plan is to get moving during break.

I post endless amounts of pictures on social media of smiling faces in fun places but behind the scenes is often a different story.  Yesterday we took the kids to Hershey Park.  I was hoping it would be a fun day of no arguing.  I begged my husband to just allow it to be a peaceful experience.  It wasn't.  My ten year old daughter isn't quite ready for the roller-coasters, although I'm proud to say she tried out two.  My husband is always pressuring the kids to go on rides they are too scared to go on and when I tell him to let it go it turns into an argument.  Every time I suggest something or say something it turns into an argument and he's so good at making it seem like it's all my fault and I can see my son is getting frustrated with me.  He's also developing his father's attitude, even though it's been said many times that my daughter is getting mine.  I know I'm not always right in my words and actions and I won't put the blame fully on my husband.  It's just very hard and it seems to be getting even harder to get along.  If there's one thing I never wanted to do it was for either one of us to talk negatively to each other in front of the kids but we've been doing it.  Some days it feels so easy to just give up.  I don't want to give up but I don't want to keep living like this.  Somethings have to change.  During one of our arguments my son said, "This is why I don't want to ever get married."  I don't want him to feel this way because marriage can be so rewarding and fulfilling and I don't want him to miss out just because his parents have fallen into a funk, which is only temporary. 

I'm hoping these summer days will bring much needed time for getting the important things done as well as giving me a chance to unwind and refuel.  

Adulthood is hard.