What It Used To Be

 I've been feeling a mix of gratefulness but also sorrow.  

I miss when our summer days looked like this:

And this:

And definitely this:

The kids were so little, experiencing new adventures for the first time with eyes of innocence and playing with active imagination.  Before school gave them a step towards independence.  Hearing my son's little voice tell me he loves me while giving me countless hugs (my daughter still does that, thankfully, but that too will soon come to pass).  Freely loving our time together as a family whether we were at the park, on vacation, or simply just inside the comfort of our home watching a silly kid show.  

Now the kids are into the teenage phase where they spend most of their time in their bedrooms or out with friends.  There's eye rolls and attitudes when told to do something (some of the time).  My son is deciding on colleges while my daughter is getting ready to turn 13 and begin those dreaded years of adolescence. Trying to help my daughter through her pubescent stage while helping my son prepare for adulthood in two years can feel so overwhelming. It's not all bad but it's more difficult for my heart to handle than it was when they were smaller.  While I enjoy the current version of them I am missing the younger them.  I guess this is what it means to be a parent.  I'm sure when they are adults residing elsewhere I'll miss the teen years, even though I currently feel lost in it now.  I find myself questioning if I'm doing things right.  Am I giving them enough responsibility?  Is my discipline tactics exactly as they need to be?  Feelings of frustration overpower me quite often, especially when I think they aren't listening or when I feel my husband isn't jumping in to take over when I know he should.   Also, trying so often to break up their fights while thinking back to when my son would constantly hug and kiss his baby sister.  I'm struggling with this phase but I'm also enjoying parts of it too.  

I like watching as they learn to do more things on their own.  For example, my son made his own waffles today without needing help.  Yesterday I dropped my daughter and her friend off at the movie theater and it reminded me of when my mom used to do that for me when I had turned 13.  I can get things done around the house without needing my attention constantly on them.  We can have more mature conversations together and I love listening to how they are forming their own views on things.  

I miss the moments like this with every piece of my heart:

But this is fun too: