Mountains and Valleys

 Hello, on this last weekend of January.  It's amazing how quickly time goes by but I'm actually very grateful for that.  A few girls stopped at the house and asked if my daughter could go play with them, and at the same time a few boys stopped over for my son.  So, I decided to indulge in this quiet time with a cup of cappuccino in a mug from way back in my high school colorguard days. 

And I've placed my laptop on the downstairs desk so I can get to work on my book. 

I actually started writing a book almost one year ago and as much as I loved where that story was heading I decided to put that aside and started to write something new.  Something more relatable to me and my own experiences from many years ago.  I have put together some events that I had experienced and created it all in a fictional character who is struggling to find acceptance within herself and also an understanding of why bad things keep happening around her.  It's a faith-based book and I feel as though it's a perfect story for today's world.  

So much heartbreak has been taking place lately.  I can't comprehend it and I certainly don't understand it.  More covid related deaths, cancer diagnosis', and so much more.  Personally, my depression has been taking over me and if it wasn't for the antidepressant medication I know I'd be feeling much worse right now.  

Yet, through it all, I've been clinging so hard to faith.  When I'm high I praise God and when I'm low I trust in Him.  I read my Bible every morning, pray often throughout the day, listen to contemporary Christian music and drown out the outside noise as much as I possibly can.  It still becomes very difficult when so much is hitting me, as well as family and friends.  It seems unfair.  The trouble is that I am only human and can only see what is right in front of me.  It makes it so much better to know that there is Someone watching over who knows all.  He knew of me even before my grandparents were born.  He created a perfect world and when man and woman came He knew they were going to disobey Him and cause sin.  He knew the heartbreaks and diseases we would face in life and He knows what will come of it all.  No matter how I feel, whether I'm high on that mountaintop feeling extremely happy or if I'm stuck low in a valley I know God is there.  Whatever happens in the future, He's already there.  I love knowing that.  It helps. 

Cleanliness

 Good morning and happy Monday!  We are starting the last week in January.  January always feels like the longest month of the year.  I joked with a few people at work and said that 2021 makes me miss 2020.  Although I do not wish for 2020 back it seems that 2021 entered with such extreme force.  However, I'm embracing the fact that no matter what the year is going to be like I'll be content with all that I have.  

The morning started as it usually does during the week.  I got the kids up so they could get ready for the day.  Said goodbye to my husband as he left for work and then put my daughter on the school bus.  My son has some free time between classes (at home) so we take the dog for a walk around the neighborhood.  Even with the cold air, it feels good to get out.  

Then I made my second cup of Creamy Hazelnut coffee, black, so I would have something to warm me up as I go about the housework.  A load of towels has been put in the dryer and clean clothes are in piles on my bed waiting to be hung up in closets or folded into drawers.  

I went into my daughter's room and felt disgusted with how messy she keeps it.  Every time I tell her to clean her room it ends up looking messier than it did before.  I want to lose my mind but then I remember one thing ...

These bedrooms and the rest of the house were pretty empty and clean before the kids came along and now it often looks like a tornado ripped through the house.  My daughter's room, especially.  I'm trying to teach my kids the importance of keeping things clean and to put stuff away in the appropriate place when they are finished with it but I end up repeating myself over and over.  Teaching them cleanliness is just a part if what parenting is about; making sure they understand how to take care of themselves as adults when I'm not going to be around to help them.  I realize, though, that these kids have way too much stuff and not enough space so I need to teach them how to better organize, and this is going to be a project we will soon get into.  

Is worrying about my daughter's messy room really all that worth stressing out about?  Just close the door and walk away.  I'll spare you a picture of her room.  You don't want to see it, trust me.  It's definitely not a moment I want to capture for the memory bank, either.  

I have my own piles of messes to take care of, after all.  The laundry needs done, things need to be put away, floors could use a good sweeping and vacuuming ... but I have to leave for work soon.  Everything will get done in time.  I've learned not to rush.  Take my time, enjoy the moments as they come, all the chores will be there waiting for me ... and when I do finally complete the chores I'll have to start all over again.  So, why sweat it?

Have a great week, everyone!  

He Provides

When my husband and I first got married we racked up our credit cards because, well, starting out in an apartment requires a lot of stuff.  We were young and probably not as smart as we should have been in our spending but my husband worked a full-time and an extra part-time job while I also worked and we did whatever we could to pay off those bills.  A few years after we purchased our house we welcomed our first child and I quit my job to stay at home.  My husband still worked a second job to help out and I was thankful to be married to someone who was so supportive, even through exhaustion.  I loved being able to be home with my kids because I didn't want to rely on anyone else to watch them, but some days felt so tough.  We had to make a lot of sacrifices.  There were times; however, when the bills didn't seem to get paid on time.  I remember the bank calling and asking why our mortgage wasn't paid for on the due date.  I allow my husband, an accountant by profession, to handle all of our finances.  Just thinking about math gives me anxiety so I was happy to let him take the reigns when it came to money.  But receiving those phone calls and not knowing what to say was frustrating.  Wondering when he was going to pay those bills and if we truly did have enough money was scary.  Nevertheless, my husband always had a way of paying the mortgage, and our other bills, even if it was a little late.  No, I don't recommend being late on the bills.  My husband was always quiet about it but there were times when I could tell he was stressed and worried if he could continue to make ends meet.  Now here we are heading towards our nineteenth year of marriage in the same house and a lot more expenses, and yet, we are still making it work.  The phone calls stopped so maybe that means the bills are being paid on time and I know it helps that I am back to working and I am very thankful.  There were some pretty dark days in our marriage when I didn't know if we would make it but sure enough, we did.  

The same is said during moments in my childhood and adolescent years that also seemed dark and scary.  I witnessed as my father struggled through alcoholism mixed with a very bad temper and in those days I wasn't sure the marriage was going to make it.  My father ended up changing his ways and has been forgiven and releived from his dark days and as I look back in what seemed like such scary moments I see how we made it through and I am thankful.  

We made it through those challenging times because God provided.  I certainly believe that.  I mentioned it in a post before but I remember being a little girl and my mom said to me through tears and a gentle hug, "Don't worry, Jesus is going to take care of us."  I have never let go of those words or the faith that she instilled in me.  

Currently, as we face this virus and all the government restrictions because of it, as we watch everything else that's unfolding in this country, I know that God is going to continue to provide.  I don't see it yet but I know He has a purpose.  Through all this chaos and uncertainty He will provide peace, comfort, assurance, and love!  

If you are feeling anxious or depressed today I want you to know that you aren't alone and have a healing God who can take that anxiety and replace it with peace.

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?" -- Matthew 6:26.  

Be Content

 Last year I kept hearing the words be still appear in my mind.  The year started with a skin disease diagnosis for myself and then one month later the entire world shut down because of a virus.  Through those things I felt anxious and scared but those words be still, which are found a few times in the Bible comforted me and reminded me that I needed to stop worrying and trust in God.  In the same way I kept hearing be still I am now hearing be content.   

The word Content is an adjective that means "in a state of peaceful happiness."  How can I live a life of contentment when the world I live in is filled with so much hate, destruction and corruption?  For almost one year we have experienced the heartbreak of such an awful virus.  Last week I learned that my brother-in-law lost his mother to complications from Covid-19 and many around me have lost loved ones too.  How can I help those who are grieving find contentment in the midst of such devastation?  I don't even know the answer to that question.  All I can do is offer my friendship and care and possibly a shoulder to cry on.  

As a Christian I believe that eternal life exists.  I believe that Jesus died to save us of our sins and if we believe in that and honor that we shall be with him in Heaven.  Our life here on earth is only temporary.  In heaven, our new life will go on forever.  I just can't help but feel so excited for that.  Nothing I have here on earth can compare to what it's going to be like in God's presence.  With that, it's easy to be content with what I'm given here on earth.  I'm also part of a great country.  Sure, it's not perfect and all of the things going on right now makes me scared for what things are going to be like in the future.  I feel these wonderful freedoms we've been given are being threatened and as President Ronald Regan once said, "are just one generation away from extinction."  What would I do if I lost all of these freedoms I've been blessed with for over forty years?  If I lose everything is there anything I would still have?  

I would still have my faith and that promise of an eternal life with no more suffering.  One of my favorite Bible verses comes from John 16:33, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."  Ooh, the part that says, "I have overcome the world," gives me goosebumps.  Right now we are experiencing things like no other time in history, at least not in my lifetime, but God's promise of having already overcome all of that leaves me feeling at peace and helps me to feel content as I go through this chaotic life here on earth.  Most days it feels as if I'm walking through fire but I know when I get to the end of my journey I will be free from all trouble.  Believing that is how I find contentment.  

For many years I struggled to find contentment with the house we purchased.  It's a two-story three bedroom, two bathroom house.  The backyard is a decent size but we are so close to the neighbors all around us.  The rooms are small and we've accumulated so much clutter over the years and it's hard to make these small spaces clean and organized.  I've spent a lot of time dreaming of having more space and a bigger area to move around.  My husband and I have had several conversations and the poor guy has suffered through hearing me complain.  He is someone who works hard to provide for the things his family not only needs but wants and I'm sure it's no fun to listen when his wife says it's just not good enough.  Of course, if my husband came up to me and said let's put our house up for sale and find a bigger one I wouldn't hesitate to go; however, I am finding how to be content with everything I already have.  I may never be able to afford a mansion and that's okay.  I'm grateful for this house.  It truly is a nice home and the size shouldn't matter as much as how much love I put into it.  I've learned that all these materialistic things I have, or don't have, won't even matter in the end because none of it will go with me to eternity.   "But godliness with contentment is great gain.  For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it." -- 1 Timothy 6:6-7.  So now, instead of dreaming of what I'd like to have I sit in my house, look around, take a deep breath, and thank God for what I do have.  It's more than enough. 

 "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." -- Hebrews 13:5

So no matter how dark times are I will be content with what I have and know that through it all God still provides ... 

Weekend Thoughts

 

Take advice from this Golden Girl, who turned 99 years old today.  Wouldn't it be nice to know her secret for staying youthful and healthy?

There are so many things that make me want to feel all sorts of negative thoughts and it seems to be a mental fight I'm dealing with every day.  Which is why I am thankful for weekends such as these, where I can lay here on the couch under a blanket with the dog by my feet.  My daughter is working on an art project and my husband and son are working on a boy scout assignment together.  Football is on the television.  I love these little moments.  

The only time I left the house yesterday was for a trip to the grocery store.  In the evening we watched Soul on Disney +.  My kids wanted to sleep in the living room, because for some reason they find the couches are more comfortable than their beds.  Even though I beg to differ, I allowed them to do so.  I was asleep in my own bed before 10pm, which is unusual for me but I've been so tired lately.   

This morning my husband went to Urgent Care because his thumb swelled up.  When he returned I took the dog and kids to the park.  It was a windy day but it was nice to get out for a bit ... and only a bit because even the dog was shivering.  

Looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow and having another day to relax, all thanks to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  

Girl Time

 My daughter has been having trouble falling asleep at night so while her dad and brother were at scouts I had her take a warm bath with lavender essential oil.  Then I brushed her hair and put it in braids.  Braids help keep the knots away while she's in bed.  Then I massaged her feet with lavender lotion and painted her nails.  I hope this relaxing evening helps her to fall asleep right away.  I'm not sure what keeps her awake.  Then she painted my toe nails.  

Every evening that the guys have scouts or baseball we have girl time.  We also enjoy girls weekend or girls week when the boys go scout camping.  

These are precious moments that I'm going to treasure forever.   Me and my mini-me.  

Just some Stuff

 I had managed to get a full 8 hours of sleep and drank two cups of coffee this morning but it seems like my bed is still calling my name.  Lately I've been so tired and that's typical of me in the winter months, for some reason.  

I just finished my 3.5 hour shift at work (and trust me, those 3.5 hours are spent running around and working harder than I ever have before), cookies are baking in the oven and I'm trying to get through some more of the book I'm writing.  My son finished up his school work and is playing Fortnite.  He said the playground was too muddy.  It's 41 degrees here and very sunny.  The warmth of the sun is making it feel  like a nice day.  When the cookies are finished baking I might take the dog for a stroll around the neighborhood.  We can both use the exercise.  

My son has been schooling from home but the middle school shut down for the rest of the week because of Covid cases.  Yes, Covid-19 is still a thing at the start of 2021.  Were you expecting different?

I was.  

Well, I was praying for a miracle.  

I've given up praying for a miracle and focus my time on praying that God will use all of the crazy things going on right now for a good purpose.  I believe we can use a wakeup call and this must be it.  Every morning I read from Psalms and it's amazing how what's written relates so much to what is going on now.  So much about plagues, burning of cities, and feeling rejected.  Today I came across this one:

"Increase the days of the king's life, his years for many generations.  May he be enthroned in God's presence forever; appoint your love and faithfulness to protect him" -- Psalm 61:6-7.

Here in the United States we don't have a king but we do have a president who is being ripped to shreds by people who want to stop him.  I know, I know, he seems so arrogant at times and there were moments when he said something and I rolled my eyes and thought why did he say that.  But the truth is, he's someone who is pro-life, pro-faith and pro-freedom.  He has fought to protect our Constitution and the rights we have as Americans.  He's angry at those who want to take it all away and has tried endlessly to fight against THEM.  Yet, those people, including the media, have worked hard to destroy him.  Now they are removing him from social media and silencing anyone else who supports him.  Now, you may not agree with me and you may not like him ... that's your right ... go ahead and say it.  I will not silence you.  Republican or Democrat.  Christian or Athiest, or another religion.  We all have the freedom to speak how we want.  Forcing one side of the spectrum to be quiet is a very, very, very, very dangerous thing.  

Wow, did this blog take a turn in a different direction?  I really want to keep things positive and uplifting here but the things going on lately makes my blood boil.  Yet, it's keeping me closer to God and that alone is such a huge need.  I believe everything is going to be okay eventually, even if we have to walk through some tough times for a while.  

The house smells like chocolate chip cookies and my son just headed out with some friends.  My daughter will be stepping off the school bus in less than an hour.  I'm going to enjoy this moment of quietness while it lasts.  

Hang in there, everyone.  No matter what your belief is and how you feel about different situations, I assure you we will and can get through.  One day at a time!

There Will Be Peace Inside My Home

 “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” -- 1 John 16:33

 The other day my kids were playing in the backyard and suddenly my daughter started to scream and shout.  I rushed outside to see what was the matter and the two began blaming the other for something.  I called them inside and had a talk with them.  Most of the time they get along and some of the time they go at each other.  I explained to them that it's okay to not always agree with each other but it's never okay to scream and yell.  I don't want the fighting.  I talked to them for awhile about my thoughts on what is going on in the outside world and how I want to have a peaceful home, in a way they could understand.  

The outside world is a mess!  There has been so much chaos, hate and division in our country and it seems to only get worse.  The good people are being made to look like the evil ones while the bad ones are getting away with their corruption.  It sickens me.  I've been feeling so much anxiety and depression lately.  I had enough with it all.  I don't even watch the news anymore.  I've completely taken myself away from all platforms of social media.  I just don't want to hear it.  I cannot control what goes on in the world but I can and will control what goes on in my house.  I want to create a home that is peaceful and comforting.  After a long day of school and work I want this to be a place we all go to that will bring us a feelings of acceptance, comfort, and safety. 

I'm praying for the cities that are burning, the destruction in everyone's hearts, and the hate that continues to live on ... but I don't want to focus on it.  I don't want it to be the cause of what brings me down.  I want to keep on believing in God's goodness.  God has a purpose for allowing Satan to get his way and I trust in that.  

"Love one another" is something that a lot, even Christians, don't seem to recognize ... but we will in this house.  

Wintertime is when my depression seems to get worse and I'm certainly feeling it lately.  When I'm home I just want to throw my hair in a messy bun, put on comfortable pants, put some essential oils in the defuser, and just relax.  I've been having trouble falling asleep at night and spend the entire day feeling so tired.  I'm learning that it's okay to relax, and take my time on getting things done, and do whatever it is I can to relieve any stress in my life.  I'm only focusing on life one day at a time.  Today at work we were told that there might be some changes being made at some point and everyone seemed to panic.  I responded by saying, "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.  I don't want to think about it now."  They all agreed and we didn't discuss it further.  

Removing Facebook, Twitter, and today Instagram is going to help.  Getting rid of the outside noise and focusing on my family, my home, and the book I'm working on is my priority. This is going to be good, I feel it already.  

2021 is going to be about peace.  Maybe not so much from the outside but it certainly will from within these four walls. 

Happy New Year

 "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me" -- Psalm 51:10

It's a new year and a chance to start off on a clean slate.  I hope 2021 brings an abundance of joy, peace, and blessings to all of you who are reading this.  2020 was a tough one and I'm not sure if 2021 will be any better but we can certainly control how our minds and actions stay focused on God, the One who has a plan and purpose and can use our current situations to His glory.  As I recall the awful things that 2020 had brought, I can see clearly how God is working through it all and I truly believe his goodness will win in the end.  That brings me comfort and peace.  I can't imagine how crazy my mind would be right now if I didn't have that belief.  

I don't know what things are going to be like in 2021 but I'm pretty certain we'll still be told to wear masks and keep our distance from one another.  I have hope that we'll be able to take a few vacations this summer and I really hope my daughter is able to have a normal June dance recital and in person competitions.  It's all up in the air now.  

After a very relaxing and enjoyable Christmas break we are now back to work and school.  My son has begun doing his school work completely from home.  We'll see how that goes.  He was really having a struggle with the masks.  He's a very quiet and shy boy so I know he doesn't have a problem with being home.  My daughter, on the other hand, is an outgoing social butterfly and insists on staying in school.  

I haven't made any resolutions because if 2020 has taught me anything it's that life is unpredictable.   We can plan to do things one way but everything can change in an instant.  Like the idiom goes, don't count all your eggs before they hatch.  I'm not setting goals and I'm not planning anything.   Just moving along one day at a time.  God knows what tomorrow will bring and I trust in HIM.